SexyFighters.com

[whispering feathers]

this is not a suicide note by any means, but it is how i feel inside wanting 2 just let it all go n die.
not trying 2 b harsh on u alley or anyone else i may have come 2 know here through the years, but man, i havent been able 2 join in on the fun with the cam show 4 so long since i counted twelve cam shows cause i have had so much going on, and b4 it seemed it was like family here where, "hey man where have u been", "ive missed u so much", "or anything else like that, n i sign on last night n i dont get anything but hi whispering feathers... nothing else
esspecially from u alley...
do u realize i clinged 2 u through all my rough times through last year...
n i show up n ur like...hey
no questions asked or no connection between us like friendship or maybe im just fooling myself 2 believeing that ever was a friendship...
i dont know anymore...but im sure ill just get a couple simple lines of some comment that comes off the top of ur head unlike 4 ur other people but the only time u really open up here 2 someone is that someone has upset u n then we all sworm in 2 defend ur honor...whos there 2 defend our friendship...

Where do we
Come up with what comforts us underneath the skin
There always seems 2 b something out there
4 all of us 2 consume 2 make us all better
About ourselves
Only 4 so long as it can last
Begin a new beginning all over again
If we continue 2 dream just a little longer
Then ur image will never fade like a lost memory
Were we all wishing 4 the same someone
Funny how we all connect on the same level of appreciation
Fuelling the emotion that brought u that much closer
2 those who needed u most
Then again sometimes connection fails like a marriage
Friendship seems anymore like n illusion
That carries us so far until we no longer need each other
But my body is in conflict when my head says stay
When my heart says we should let go
So now here I sit in my lonely room
With no motivation
Nothing 2 allow me 2 feel as strong as I once had b4
But what do my words mean 2 anyone
Without looking in2 my eyes
Or the shy trembling voice over the telephone
U could try n get a hold of me 2night
But somehow… I don’t know if anyone will ever
Find me again the same at home
Trying 2 hold it all 2gether…
But I don’t know 4 how much longer…
So what if one dies by his own hand 2night…
The world seems 2 still move on…

Good bye…
_________________
With Lots of Love n Hugs!!!
Kevin (Whispering Feathers)

[Wicked Jester]

Dunno if I'm being harsh, but... I logged in for my first ever boobcam this time... and "all" I got was a "hey" too... I mean, it's not like we're the only men in her life, mate.
_________________
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter - Mark Twain

[dartmouth93]

Alley is a model, not a psychotherapist. I think you are imposing too great a burden on her.

[whispering feathers]

being a star, being an icon in the lime lite, exposing urself in many art forms, such as music, movies, dancer, model, leader does come with a great sense of responsibility. being over shadowed by ur own success does not make the next person who can recognise the changes in an individual a psycho. but when u press on and 4get the ones who help put u where u r 2day, then there should b some concern. maybe at some point we get 2 comfortable with our own success that we take it 4 granted and become over confident and let our ego become out of control, and that seems 2 b happening a lot these days by the success we fuel our iconic heros, or muse... but if one feels passionate about what they do, shares it with the world in some creative way... and doesnt 4get 2 give back.
stop n think about where the sorce comes from 4 who we r all 2day, r we conjured from another dream or have we simply 4gotten we r created by the one above
_________________
With Lots of Love n Hugs!!!
Kevin (Whispering Feathers)

[xpando]

Hi kevin,
I don't know who you are and I'm new here myself.
But a couple of things I'd like to say:
Firstly, I have nothing against you but I'd like to say that nobody likes a sniveller. It's childish. I don't know how old you are but your grasp of language seems pretty mature, intelligent and fairly artistic so you really should know better.
Secondly, there's a lot of very bad things happening in this world. RIGHT NOW. The reality of the situation is very grim for a great many people. We are so lucky to be living in such a 'perfect' (and paradoxically twisted) secure bubble that allows us on one hand to be able to log onto sites like this and have fantasies on one end of the spectrum that include fucking Alley Baggett but that include, on the other end of the spectrum, darker, yet equally illusory fantasies that are the kind of illusory/delusory problems of self that you speak of. Namely the creation of problems that humans all too easily find when the going is too good or if there's too much time to think.
Thirdly, we're all prone to what you spoke of but in the words of Mark Vonnegut: "we're here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is". We are all in the same boat. ALL OF US. This life is one big headfuck and has been ever since we got conscious. Repeating the same questions over and over and over and looking for answers we will never find. Unite and share the love.
Fourthly, I too have been ill in life, physically, (I'm not sure what you had wrong with you) and that makes one realize ones mortality, and then one realises how much one wants to hold on. (I should also say that when I was a teenager I had fairly serious suicidal tendencies and was an outpatient in a particular kind of hospital. That all gradually diminished but more so and more extremely after my illness).
So there's hope for all of us. Including you.
Now do something for the world to show your gratitude for being alive, to repay it FOR BEING ABLE TO REPAY IT.
Hope this makes sense.
Take care,
Gordon

[xpando]

another thing - get things in perspective in the grand scale of things.
For your own good - try and realise what is important and cut out the shit, the clutter and the stuff you don't need. You owe it to yourself, to do yourself justice, to be proud of yourself, to face yourself and not run in fear and grow into the chaos that is one's life, infinite but really just another speck of matter in the enormous universe which will die all too soon.
So it's always too early to die. It can wait til tomorrow.
And when you realise that, you'll see how trivial it is to worry about who says hi to you on a forum.
So far I've been very kind.
But if I was one of your close friends I'd have a word with you but mostly I'd want to slap you around the head if you persisted and tell you to Grow up!
But like I said....I've been kind
Adieu and good night
I won't be back.
G

[nebraska]

Hey Feathers

Alot has been said on this thread. Some of the things are well stated and make alot of sense. Some other things might be a little uncalled for. But you have shared alot of things that you have been going through the last year. I know that you have had alot on your plate. I just want you to know that I think overall you have alot going for you. I also know that after a long period of time when life keeps throwing curve balls at us, it kind of wears us out emmotionally, physically, and mentally. It can really burn you out.

I just want to say Kevin, hang in there and this phase will pass. Just step back and take a deep breath. Spend alot of time with people you are close to and trust. Things have away of falling back into place. You just have to not be so hard on yourself and try to find the good in people and situations. One of my favorite expressions is " Everything is a Situation " and it is so true. Everything in life has a situation of one thing or another. Some happy and good and others are high tense. Take care of the situations that you have control over and can do something about. In the case of situations that you can't have any control over or do anything about them or are unable to take care of at the moment for one reason or another. Don't stress or dwell on it. If there is nothing that can be done with a situation at the moment let it go untill a time when something can be done.

I am just letting you know what works for me Kevin. I hope and pray that you get things figured out and your life gets back to you on track and you find happiness and love. You have alot of talent alot of your writings. I know that you have plans to someday get some of your best work togeather and hopefully get it into a book and published someday. I for one think that you have a great shot at it Kevin. Keep working hard on that buddy and someday your dream may come true.

Kevin you have alot of friends here. You have shared alot of things going on in your life over the last year. I am sorry that you feel that after all this time of opening your heart and sharing alot of things going on in your life that you feel we have deserted you. I do not think that is the case. I am still in your corner and I enjoy alot of your posts and poems. You have alot of good inside of you Kevin. You have some things you need to work on, but so do I, and everyone else in this forum and the world for that matter. Working on things and trying to make ourselves better people is what it all about. Improving ourselves make us better people and make us grow. I also think that it isn't right to put alot of pressure on Alley or anyone else here. We enjoy your writings and company. We love having you a part of AB NATION. But Kevin , Alley nor any of us can be your solution to evrything. It's a big burden and responsibility that we cannot take on. We are here though and we care, and we will listen. We may commint and give you an encourageing word here and there. But you need to get your best advise and support from the people in your life. They know who you are as a person and thay can help you in the way none of us can.

So Kevin, just sit back , take a deep breath and things will get on the right road real soon. Just know again that you do have friends here and I for one am sorry if you feel that you don't. But I am still your friend and I want to see you happy and successful with everything in your life. You take good care Kevin.


Blessings

nebraska

[mt]

Hey, Nebraska. Is your middle name "Jesus" by any chance? I admire your patience and empathy.

Hey Kevin. I don't recall hearing your apology in the chat about why you were gone for 12 cam episodes. You didn't leave a note or nothing.

And why you getting on Alley's case. She said hello to you. What? You'd rather she said nothing? Is she supposed to have telepathic powers and be able to read your thoughts and know what's happened to you? We all love Alley, but we accept the fact that she might ignore us sometimes. There is just too many people for her to share herself with.

You didn't mean to sound harsh with this post, but you did. You didn't mean to be harsh to Alley with this post, but you were "especially from u alley".

Kevin, if you're having serious personal conflicts, find some close friend or family member to talk to. I don't think anyone here is willing to take that burden. We all have our issues to deal with.
_________________
In a perfect world, you get all Alley, all the time.

[j3a]

whoa......
hey kevin, what's up with all the melodrama? i mean, i'm not trying to be harsh to you, but let's not get carried away... we all have things going on in our lives and we all can't be here 24/7 (in the forum, chats, etc..) that is to be expected - and i don't think that anyone expects upon their return, that the whole AB nation or even Alley will stop everything to find out where we have been and what has been going on... i don't think it's fair to criticize us or Alley when we don't give you more than a "hey".. i mean, i consider you a friend on here, i respect your points of view, and i think that you are a very talented and artistic person. but i'm not going to stress about not seeing you around if you happen to not stop by for a while... i'm going to assume you have other things going on in your life - like everybody else.
true, we have come together to support each other when a trouble has arisen in one of our lives - but that is only after that person has opened up and let the rest of us in on whats going on! if you were having some sort of issue the past few weeks, and let us (including Alley) in on it, i'm sure that we all would have been there for you - and worried about you when you were not here. but to come back after what we perceive as simply just a leave of absence, and expect the world to stop and say "hi - where have you been, is everything ok? we've been so worried about you..." is just being unrealistic...
i'm sure that Alley cares about you, i'm sure that Alley cares about all of us. you should know that about her. i believe we, (namely the AB nation) have become friends w/ each other and w/ Alley over the years - it is obvious that she is a sincere, caring person... and to say that she has forgotten about those who have put her where she is, is ludacris! first of all, we are just a small percentage of the people who helped put her where she is - she has probably hundreds of thousands of fans, all of whom help put her where she is! the majority we will never know about - many choose not to sign up for her website (idiots, btw ) - they support her by purchasing PBSE w/ her featured in it, or by purchasing from her store, or by calling her on keen... many of them who do sign up for the website, choose not to participate in the forum or chats... and i'm sure that there are many more who adore her, but have not supported her monitarily in any way... she has done quite the opposite of forgetting about those who helped put her where she is - this forum is a prime example - this is a free forum, she doesn't make somebody join her website in order to enjoy this forum. she doesn't have to come in the forum and communicate w/ us here. she doesn't profit from reading and posting in the forum. she is here because she wants to be - how is that forgetting about us???
kevin - i'm really not trying to be rude to you, i like you... i just want you to come on back to reality - it's ok here. we have all fantasized about Alley, but when we come back to reality, we understand that Alley does all she can, and more for us, but she cannot hold our hands, and kiss us on the forehead, and tell us that everything is gonna be alright, like mommy used to do...
whatever you might be going through right now, don't worry - it will pass, and it will get better... i have been there many times. stress makes you old and sick. i learned a prayer many years ago that has helped me enormously, maybe you have heard it, but i'd like to share it with you in case you haven't: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
i do hope you are doing well, kevin
take care of yourself
- justin

[AlleyBaggett]

Whispering Feathers...

I don't know where to begin.

I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. Really I am! I've never meant to do anything to make you feel this way. It does seem to me that you have a lot going on in your life right now. If you would like some comfort and support from us....then you DO have to open up to us on here and let us know....so that we have the opportunity to give our encouraging/supporting/loving words. You have been absent for awhile and when you do come around you don't really say much but expect for everyone to know what's been going on with you good or bad. The reality is that...this is a fan forum....this is a fan site....I am here to be your FANTASY girl. I am here to provide sexy pictures, sexy video clips for everyone to see. That is my JOB!!! My forum and talking to me on KEEN is the BEST way to really get to know me. It's even better than the chatroom/cam sessions on my site because you have to type so quick....there are lots of different people asking questions.....you have do it all in such a short amount of time.....then I spend some time on the cam....which usually I don't type much when the cam is on. So if you REALLY want to get some GOOD communication with me this and KEEN.com is the best place for that! Usually in my chatroom it's all small little comments here and there. Kev-I am your friend....but I'm not the same kind of friend that you have in your every day (non-Internet) life. I mean....those other friends you can lean on....you can go to the movies with....you can go to dinner with and etc. I am the kind of friend that is there for you....but in a limited kind of way (because I am that fantasy girl that only exists in pictures-the Internet-cam) I hope you can see and understand the difference. You know I've always loved your poems. I really do hope you can make your dreams come true with your poetry but only you can make them come true or not. I would love to continue to give you love and support for your troubles....as otheres might also....but you need to let us know what's up.

I hope this all makes sense and helps you feel better.

When I go through MAJOR issues in my life....(because we all go through major issues) the thing that always makes me feel better is pouring myself out to someone who is close to me that I can hug right after. I ALWAYS feel better letting it all out. Then I'm able to THINK about what I can do....to better the situation....or to handle it better. Sometimes the person listening to me....has some ideas and advice to share which also helps in knowing and feeling that there's someone physically there to help me....not just emotionally. Gosh....I've had at least 4 major mid-life crisis in my life already and I'm only 34. My first one was when I was younger than 10 but I wont go into that. Kev-we really all start off in life being the same kind of person what makes us different as time goes on....are the choices we all make for ourselves.

Okay....I need some breakfast : )

Take care Kev...

Hope to hear from you soon!

XOXO
ALLEY
p.s. i still love ya...
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[AlleyBaggett]

ONE MORE LAST QUICK THING:

Kev-please remember that I am an extremely extremely BUSY person!!!! I have a lot to do....through my day and night every day and night. I have my site and everything about it, I have my MYSPACE page and everything about it, I have KEEN calls, I have my fitness training (because I want to look good for you), I have my own personal life and somewhere in the middle of it all I need to try to find a small few minutes for no one else but myself. When we are in the chatroom on my site..there are lots of different people I have to try to respond to and communicate with all the same time. It's easy to forget that someone specific is in the chatroom if they don't say much because everyone else is saying plenty. I hope you understand that....it's hard for me to be everywhere and do everything and say everything at the same, all of the time.

I am only 1 little person in this GREAT BIG WORLD : )

xoxo
ALLEY
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[AlleyBaggett]

As I've been going on with my day, I've been thinking about this a bit more....and I'm actually a bit ERKED by this. Let me tell you about a thought that has come into my head after breakfast this morning.

In Africa there are thousands of little girls and teenage girls who are who are kidnapped from their villages, Mom's & Dad's, brothers and sisters.....their entire family and forced to become slaves, killers, who are abused in all different ways.....and who are r*ped all on a daily basis. If these women are fortunate enough to get help and get out of the terrible situation they were forced in....when you see them today....they are full of happiness, life, love, kindness, hope and beauty. As soon as they got out of the situation they could have turned into criminals, they could have become murderers...they could have become rapists to little children but they chose not to. They chose to rise above all the evil things that were done to them and forced upon them. They chose to be happy and be greatful that they are still alive today and in a much better place than they were yesterday. They didn't dwell on the past....they didn't let the past bad things consume them and mold them into what that evil thing wanted them to be.....NO! If you see their smile today, it lights up your heart like never before!!!! They are truely remarkable people. They should be our inspiration for when we think we have it tough....or for when we think we can't handle whatever bad luck is going our way. We HAVE the power to change things, we HAVE the power to choose, we HAVE the ability to become the most beautiful understanding compassionate loving people that we can POSSIBLY be. Think about that.....next time.


_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[MissTraycee]

I totally agree with Alley and everyone's reponses on this topic.

Stay up and enjoy your beautiful life!

[xpando]

i thought i wouldn't be back but I unfortunately must disagree with you.

A lot of people, be they in Rwanda, Sierra Leone, Iraq, or, in fact any so-called developing country be it war torn or whatever ARE NOT HAPPY. That is also idealising. The thing is, they just CAN'T wallow. If they did they'd be sucked under by the infinite problems their lives hold for them if they stopped to think for one second and let it pull them down. You see, they more often than not DON'T have a choice. They just have to scratch to get by. They just have to survive. Making the most of what they have does not necessarily equate to what we might think to understand as happiness.

But WE. We have the choice.

And because we have that choice we all too often feel either guilt or we feel a disconnectedness from life because nature in itself is never 'fair', it favours strength, power, survival ability. And when things are unjustifiably in our favour, we suffer from the age-old malaise known as the 'problems of plenty'.

I feel like I'm going off on a rant.

But this all very complex. And there's a lot to learn

And the one thing I've realised more and more is that even the profoundest answers scrape only at the surface....

Love is the only thing I've found that works.

Real, genuine love. It's a tricky one. But if you can handle facing yourself for what you are and handle that your friends want to be with you and love them back....

well.... that's all you need

goodnight from Scotland
(and this time I'm serious )

[whispering feathers]

Controversial topics that seems 2 b shaken n never stirred
Drink me like water cause I am more simple than ur explaination that tastes more like margarita
Rough on the edges n the after taste does not seem as smooth as u dream 2 b
Sure enough whether or not u believe u would not b where u r 2day without those who supported ur role
No matter where I turn we r all dealt with much responsibility
So baby u r not alone in this great big world consumed by those who u never learned 2 know
Opportunity conjured by ur own imagination reaching out 2 those willing 2 open the internet window
But have u become overwhelmed with 8300 topics n issues that helped build ur web page
Unfortunate 4 those who do not know how 2 communicate without reality fueled by animosity
Religion, political, relationship based upon friendship n marriage opens the door 2 ur wildest fantasies
I am but one man who does not speak out of tone but if my words seem 2 trouble ur mind
Then perhaps there is truth behind what I have spread out like a deck of cards that is beyond ur control
Smack me down just because I have an opinion but through it all no one here seems 2 win
This used 2 b a room 4 explorers looking 4 a better place 2 go embraced by the kind of love we search 4
That sometimes cant b found where we r alone in this world where we someplace live
I appreciate every ones ideas n the mistakes including myself can make along the way
That can strengthen our image, increase the kind of knowledge we can sometimes 4get we lack
Not one of us is better than the other I 4 one do not play out like that I am
Then again there r those who rather play cut throat rather than work it out like a woman or a man
Yeah broken hearts when given enough time n enough kind words will surely mend
But when we 4get those who surround us who need each other the most will b those who gave in
Shout back at the world we thought we had come 2 know so well just 2 b simply heard
Just got 2 realize everybody’s here a star and we got 2 get in the big dipper n pour love back on the world
No matter where u r
If it starts here, the positive influence u share will most certainly b expressed beyond ur front door
Yeah my words may have been harsh in the beginning of this topic I posted in the forum
But I think somehow we will all walk away with a better understanding that it is better 2 love
2 love those with a shred of doubt who just don’t know anymore…

yeah we all have a job here 2 do, and sometimes we 4get its 2 deal with others in this world that help get eachother by... yes we all have drama n i most certainly have mine. so i appologise if i stirred any trouble here. but u guys dont simply understand u guys r my only connection 2 any real friends. i dont go out 2 movies with anyone but my children or myself. i dont confide in my family cause they dont have any opinion 2 give me when i have my hard times. just when i signed on 2 the web cam show n i seen others saying "hey i missed u, so n so" n when i said hello all i got was a hey. thats when i didnt feel like part of the family here n i was frustrated even more.so cool... no one missed me
i quess i should b used 2 that by now...

peace

sorry if i upset anyone
but it was my opinion n heart i opened up here
some of u thanks 4 slamming the door...

and 4 those who did have some kind words n patiance... thanks


later
_________________
With Lots of Love n Hugs!!!
Kevin (Whispering Feathers)

[AlleyBaggett]

xpando-
You are welcomed anytime!

I don't think I understand your thoughts about my example of African women. Can you explain a bit better? Thanks....

Kev-
You still haven't shared with us...your friends....what's going on with you. If you don't want to share specifics then just say so. I do know....that you had some relationship problems and I hope you aren't just taking that out on us?? Whatever the case is...I do understand but at the same time I do hope you understand me/us. It takes 2 to have a conversation not just 1 (me)....so next time your in the chatroom spark up some kind of thought/question or fun comment. As far as friends to talk to....do you have co-workers or neighbors that you can talk to? Maybe it would help to talk to a therapist for a while. I know there have been many therapists that have helped many people who are going through tough times....especially when they feel there is no one else to turn to. Or maybe they need greater help from just a friend. I don't see anything wrong with talking with a therapist. I hope you decide to talk with one. If you do...please let us know how it goes. I'm sure we would all be behind you 100%.

Take care Kev.

xoxo
ALLEY

p.s. I still love and wear the perfume you sent....
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[xpando]

Hi Kevin,

I'm aware I don't know you but good to hear you speaking sense.

All the best,

Gordon



Hi Alley,

Firstly, thanks for welcoming me.

Sorry for not being clear above. I sometimes dive in too fast and when i get going I tend to miss out every second word in a train of thought that's moving too fast for my fingers...

I meant, simply, that it's easy to generalise. I do it myself. I know we agree with the point BEHIND what you said and where you (and I) are going with it but I disagreed ONLY with the bit about them being "full of happiness, life, love, kindness, hope and beauty."

Some people never recover from extreme trauma was my point. The mental and psychological scars are too much to ever overcome. The spirit can, indeed, be broken.

That's all. But that's a tangent.

However, I do understand what you're saying. Very much so.

The long and short of it is though that the answers are right in front of us, and lie in whether you choose to listen to yourself and what you KNOW you need to do.

The zen paradox:

To be yourself,
you need to free yourself,
To free yourself,
you need to see yourself,
To see yourself,
simply be

kind of sums up the confusion we're in, as I'm sure you'll agree.


The best thing for all of us:

1. Instead of paying for a therapist (they do say you are your own best doctor) is save the same cash up and take a trip into the mountains and get yourself in perspective. Become organic. Piss into the wind and let a part of yourself become part of the cosmos again. Free your mind of urban clutter and background noise. Think where you came from, what you're made of. Meditate and see how unimportant you are in the grand scheme of things. See the stars and the enormity and power of nature. How powerless you are. And what a false claim to power the idea of 'free will' is. Until all you can do is laugh at yourself.

2. Alternatively, use that saved cash (they do say that a problem shared is a problem doubled, not that's not it, it's more like if you stare into the darkest corners of your mind, how much more can you discover if DEEP DOWN you really know what's there already) to go live in another country where $1 can buy you food for the whole day and $2 a bed for the night.

3. If the above just ain't likely then (As Adam said unto the Lord, "I saw thee and I hid myself" - I'm not much of a fan of the bible but what a great quote. Adam saw the truth but chose to run away from it. He couldn't face it. I think we can all sympathise with that. I, personally, shit myself at the thought of it ) go share your thoughts, no matter how embarrassing they might be, with a GOOD friend. Let your guard down, let them see the pain inside you. It will make you connect and you will be closer, your friend will have seen a piece of you. You may think your friends are all 'better at living' than you, succesful, seeming 'happy'. But no, we all are in the same shit here but many to scared to admit it. Oh the beauty of sharing.

4. Learn to accept that so-called happiness is nothing to do with walking around with a smile on your face feeling content. Any robot could be programmed to do that. To really enjoy life, you must genuinely FEEL the pain because pain and pleasure are two twins, inorexably linked and without one there cannot be the other to measure it by....

Jesus Christ, when, in Fuck's name will I shut the fuck up??

Listen guys, I'm spending too much time here.

I should be cumming in Alley's mouth, on her tits, in her ass, all at the same time even, but not wasting my time here. Same with all of you

I'm going to stop getting notifications that there have been responses to this thread so forgive me if you have something to say that I don't respond to. As I'm sure you'll agree, I've said FAR too much already. And I'm sure you'll be glad to see the back of me.

If, on the other hand, you feel some strange internal need to continue communicating with me or if you want to send me abuse, love or poetry etc, then send it here: mach1ne (at) outgun (dot) com

Take it sleazy,

G

[AlleyBaggett]

OMG xpando! You are soooooooo freakin hilarious!!! I love everything about you.

You are funny and smart. Well, I think your advice about going to the woods/outdoors/nature is a better idea than going to a therapist BUT as long as he does something that is REALLY special.....that REALLY connects him with himself and helps him find the real him. If he does NOTHING...then I think going to the therapist is better than DOING absolutely nothing.

I have to say that I agree with everything you said except for 1 thing. I don't believe that just because such bad awful things happen to you in your life that your spirit is broken....scarred forever. Time heals a lot .....but more than that....I believe that people have the choice and the power to decide to change their fates.....and be better people and have better lives....NO MATTER WHAT's HAPPENED TO THEM! I'm living proof. No I was never forced to kill anyone or anything like that but I had one of the worst childhoods anyone could ever imagine....then once in my teenage years...I had a few other horrible experiences....and then a couple more when in my late 20's. For EVERYTHING that's ever happened to me....there was a time where I did feel troubled, I was having nightmares and it was causing problems with my relationships but one day I chose to forgive and forget and leave it all behind me. I think FORGIVENESS is key here. I think a lot of people turn to drugs, alcoholism and other dangerous addictions because of something bad that's happened to them in their past....either big or small.....and they've never been able to forgive whoever caused the pain for them. Because they've been unable to forgive....EATS THEM AWAY like a rotten piece of food. I know this to be true too.....because of other people in my family who are alcoholics STILL after having kids and after SOOOOOOOOO many years.....and they still talk about their past and what bads things happened to them today.....like if it happened yesterday. I just can't understand it. I say to myself....That happened over 30 years ago!!! Look at me.... I forgave a long time ago.....and I haven't been addicted to anything....I haven't made my life into one big shit pile. NO! I've changed things around for myself because I wanted something better for myself.

Anyway....I like you....have said plenty....and that's ALL I'm going to say

One more quick note....please don't ask me about my personal past....because I will surely never go into that. I can talk about it....I have no problem with that....I just know that there are some people in here who have shit on my feelings and thoughts before when I've shared them....so I'd rather not go there. I only mentioned it to make my point. Thanks for understanding.

Again....you are so hilarious! Thanks for putting the smile and laughter back in us all.

LOVE YA!
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[santiago]

Hey Kevin,

Please don't kill yourself and don't even elude to taking your own life. It's just not cool and makes you sound like a wimp.

Depression sucks and is not for wimps. Depression hurts me more than any physical injury, surgery, or ass-wopping I've ever had. I've been there many a time. What helps me is to: read about depression, excercise, stay busy, get into a routine, and take personal responsibility for the way I feel. I try not to "feel" so much. Stop thinking so much.

When you wake up in the morning (or when the alarm clock goes off), get out of bed immediately-don't lay there like a little bitch, put your two feet on the floor and just go baby- remember, you've got shit to do! Take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go for a run, go to work, go the park during lunch, workout after work, come home, eat dinner, clean house, put on your favorite "uplifting" movie, try to go to sleep- and your going to need the sleep buddy, you've got a lot of shit to do tomorrow!

Notice how I didn't leave room in there for "feeling bad", "think about things" and "write poems talking about death."

Everything in your life is happening right now at this very moment. The past is in the past, the future is unpredictable, the only thing you can control is the present. Stay in the present buddy (meditation can help you with this). Make a decision right now to get better, whatever it takes.

You are not alone. Keep is mind there are qualified doctors, therapists, and medicines to help you as well. However, I'm the only one who'll tell you to "stop laying there like a little bitch" (that's really my inner dialouge I use with myself, same with "shit to do").

Seriously, I wish you the best.

Now... back to Alley...

[AlleyBaggett]

Wow....I feel there's a lot of love and support for Kev!!


_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[mt]

[mt]

[nebraska]

Hi xpando

I like alot what you have said and stated in your previous posts. You sound like a very well educated man that is tune with not only yourself, but with alot of issues that we as a socity live in and deal with. However, I also have to agree with Alley, about a broken spirit.

You seem to think that a person's spirit cannot be repaired, and when horrible things happen in ones life , that it is a done deal for that person. Any chance to forgive and to grow, and to get one's life back is not possible.

Well expando, in my opinion you are so wrong. Now, don't take me in the wrong way. I really like so much what you have to say, and I agree with so much you have to say. But I just have to commint and disagree with your statements and logic behind this matter.

I can commint on this because I am living proof that this is possible. Not only directed in my life personally, but also other people's lives that I am close to.

You see xpando, my daughter was hurt very badly by someone. She was basicly pronounced brain dead. Was in a coma and in the hospital for a year and a half. Learning like a new born to do everything all over again. To talk, to eat, to walk absolutly everything. Anyway to get to my point here. I wanted to kill the SOB that did this to her. It drove me nuts that I couldn't get my hands around this guys neck and balls and sqeeze the life out of him. My daughter needed my streangh and prayers for a better chance during her recovery. But this guy was filling my heart and soul with so much hate. Finally I just let him go. I forgave him in my mind and concentrated on my daughter. The relief I felt when I finally let it go and forgive him was an immense relief.

As for my daughter. Not only was her spirit broken and her whole life was changed and taken away in a matter of a split second. She prevailed. Doctor's said she wouldn't live. She is alive. Doctors said she wouldn't talk. You can't shut her up today. Doctors said she wouldn't walk. She walks, and runs and dances at rock concerts. Doctoers said she wouldn't have the ability to learn. She has been going to school and learning the last 2 years. Doctor's said that she wouldn't get her memory back. She remembers. Doctor's said she wouldn't have her same personallity and and be the same person. She is the exact same peron with the same sparkling personallity.

She came back from all that because she mended her broken spirit and had the drive and determination and the faith that she would get her life back. She still has a few issues to overcome. But she is almost there. I have no doubt and she has no doubt that she will have her life 100% back very, very soon. Why, because of her spirit and faith.

So that is the reason that I have to deagree with you on this matter. I think you underestamate the human spirit. Anything and everything is possible if you throw yourself into it and have faith and determination and hard work.

Anyway, xpando, like I said I do enjoy your posts. But you just need to have more faith in the ability of the human spirit and mind. It is never hopeless if one has the determination and faith to change ones life. I for one know that ones human spirit can only be broken and never be able to mend , only if one chooses to let it be that way. But if one will not accept the fact and has faith and hard work to get ones life back, they will surely get it back

Okay, I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents worth. I am a great believer in the human spirit. I think that the spirit and will and faith that a person has can overcome any situation. As long as that person puts in the time and effort and hard work to make thier life all that it can be.

Congrats to you Alley on overcomming the situations that you spoke of in your life. Not only have you grown from your experiances, but you also will be better able to handle future situations that will surely come down the road. I know you will handle them and come out of them in great shape. I admire your strengh and determination to let your situations go. You are a very bright and strong woman. That is one reason I am always in your corner and always will be.



Blessings

nebraska

[AlleyBaggett]

I've seen some shows where they were talking about people being so filled with physical strength that they were able to move cars and do incredible things...when faced in a deadly situation. The strength they all of a sudden had was unexplainable. My point is that the human mind is the MOST powerful thing that we possess.


_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[xpando]

Hello nebraska,

I think you misunderstood me.

I said the spirit CAN be broken. No more than that. And I certainly didn't say it was irreparable.

The example I was thinking of at the time when I wrote that was that I had just thought of an article I read about a safe-home (more like a convent really, in terms of size) for women somewhere in Africa (unfortunately I can't remember exactly which country - but it kind of related to the thread at the time). Anyway, many had children as a result of [word censored] by British and UN soldiers. The children were of mixed race as a result and so the women were ostracized by the villages and some were lucky enough to be taken in by the convent. That isn't the bad part. Yes, it's true, some of them forgave their attackers despite being subjected to [word censored] every night continuously by seemingly unending lines of soldiers. But the photos and what was being said was horrific. I cannot imagine what it would have been like. Some of these women were truly broken. They weren't happy. It was VERY, very sad indeed.

But enough of this.

I just wanted to say that I've been misunderstood.

If I'd said what you thought I'd said then I'd be one big walking contradiction. In brief: I too have been in a coma. It was as a result of an acute asthma attack and left me on life-support in Intensive Care. My parents were told I had a 50/50 chance of survival. Although comas are all and the same usually (mine lasted two weeks) the result was nowhere near as severe as what happened to your daughter, nebraska. I too have a daughter and even then can only begin to try and understand how you must have felt. Then, completely unrelated, in my late-teens until early 20s I got very depressed, suicidal even and often self-harming and got admitted to psychiatric care. Things were shit. But I eventually grew out of that with primarily the help of friends more than doctors and medication. As I said, progress was slow until the next thing speeded it up and there was no turning back. In 2000 I get diagnosed with a brain tumour. It wasn't cancer, but life-threatening nevertheless because I was young(ish) at the time and with years of growth it would have grown into my brain and so on. In other words I needed surgery. Which I got. They didn't want to do radiation because, with the age thing, they haven't worked out long-term side effects yet.
Anyway, not sure why I'm saying all this. But OK, I lost most of my hearing to do with damage to the auditory nerve, lost sensation on the left side of my face and basically got fucked by the operation itself which, because of it's rarity involved me flying to Spain for it (I'm based in Scotland in the UK) and my brain swole up and I got meningitis. Can it get any worse?
Anyway, I don't know why I'm saying all this.

Actually this is why: I'm now very happy to be alive I guess is my point.

See, the above's a good example of what Alley said: history and the past can take up so much of the present, pointlessly. Consuming time that's best spent LIVING. I wrote a huge bit about the past but the far more important bit is the one line following it at the end and that was done so quickly and so easily......just like it's meant to be.


So I will sign off.

But I first also wanted to respond to Alley's posts above, namely;

Alley,

First, I hope you too now realise you misunderstood me. But also I'm glad you like my posts. Thank you for the compliments. Likewise I must say that you come across as having your head screwed on pretty well. You seem to know what you're doing. You know what you want, you're open minded and you're very clever. Obviously you're incredibly sexy but that's because you got dealt a lucky card. The rest of you, however, is much your own doing. It's good to have such positive (and I mean intelligent rather than mindlessly cheery) people on this planet, knowing that your influence can be felt by those around you.
It's a pleasure to have 'met' you. I know this may sound stupid (or at least predictable) but I saw pictures of you, naked of course. You look incredibly sexy (and I'm a man of impeccable taste). You have the most amazing nipples I have ever seen. And what a body. As you can imagine, there's been a whole load of incredibly rude and dirty things happening to you here in my place while you're blissfully unaware of it. But the point is; I would have had no idea what the person behind the looks was like if not for this brief contact in your forum and as a result, I've had a little peek into your world, your mind. And what I see is pretty good. Positive. But there's always more to learn!! Communication and sharing. That's what it's all about.
Until next time, keep the fire burning.
Gordon
xx

[AlleyBaggett]

aw.....xpando...you are such a great person! Communication....communication....communication. There are so many people who have a problem with communication which causes problems in all areas of their lives. I for one.....love to communicate and learn what's going on with people....why they think the way they do....and etc. It's like I'm always looking for the reason and the solution.....because to me...there's ALWAYS a reason and a solution. It's been really nice getting to know you XPANDO. I'm greatful you have let your voice be heard. I love to know what people think as long as they do it respectfully.

Nebraska....it makes such perfect sense that you are as wonderful as a person that you really are. You love life and are very greatful for the people who are in your life and the things that you have in life. Life is too short to not make the BEST of it.....good or bad!

MUCH LOVE EVERYONE....

xoxo
ALLEY
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[whispering feathers]

well... 2day reached the boiling point of all that i could handle...
i do have so many things going through my head, i could almost literally explode...
so...
august 7th is my day 2 go n vent, unload all of the things i want 2 just spill out here 2 certain selected people...
2 bad there isnt a way 2 communicate 2 those special people without the whole forum community getting involved...
not saying i didnt appreciate the ones with the patiance, or kind words that i have read in the past few days... and i am sorry if i rubbed anyone the wrong way...

im glad u like the perfume alley, i 1st came across it from a woman who would deliver parts at work n i looked 4ward 2 breathing her in every chance she came... so now i have a bottle 2 spray on ur panties when i wanna think of u knowing u have the same... but i have another one id love 2 know if u like. i have a bottle myself n its a unisex perfume...
its called 3121

well i better go.
again thanks 4 all ur support n i hope things can clear up in my mind n heart...

kevin
_________________
With Lots of Love n Hugs!!!
Kevin (Whispering Feathers)

[AlleyBaggett]

Hey Kev..you can certainly vent off to anyone you want but just do it respectfully....PLEASE. Also, just wondering why August 7th?

Talk to you soon.

Take Care!

XOXO
ALLEY
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[j3a]