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[Shadow_Twisted]

D-D-D-Double-Post!

Well, not that there's anyone much besides myself that posts here anyways, but was a fun way to kick things off. Medication is meh now. I generally notice an effect the first week or two and then I either have too much of a reaction to continue or no longer feel like the meds are working. For once I'm on a set where the latter is true, which is in a way better than all my previous experiences where the former was true except it still leaves me in the same dysfunctional state. Also I can finally and safely say that my talk about applying for disability will be replaced with "Oh please when will it be over" since I began the process by applying. The whole process can take months before I get a final yes or no and if it's a no then I come back with lawyers and there's more waiting so, yeah. If I knew at the start what I know now I may have started sooner, but I guess now I have a bit more of a treatment history then I would have.

[Shadow_Twisted]

Disability has been denied twice on 2 applications. If I put when I stopped working, I don't have enough work credits, but if I put when I was aware I was disabled I get disqualified because I made too much in 2012. However, I'm not disappointed so much as I am optimistic. I've undertaken a project with my wife to write a book. It's based off of a dream she had, but the plot has evolved a lot since then. So far we're 25 pages in from 2 weeks of writing. I know there's a lot more ahead, but I'm confident it will all work itself out in the end.

[Shadow_Twisted]

So... guess I should report that I'm still alive. Besides that I don't really know. I'm at a very confused point as far as what I want to do. The book is in the editing process and will be self-published through amazon or such so I'll probably let it be known when that is done and available. In the meantime I guess I'll look for a part-time job. so I can get cash flow in and maybe rejoin the site.

[Caroline]

((Shadow_Twisted,

If I'm following this correctly, good luck with the Short Sale. ))

[Shadow_Twisted]

Guess what? I'm not dead! Although I've been gone awhile, not sure I really have much I want to say about it.

[Ezra Lee Stewart]

Wonderful to have ya back, we can always use more people to make this place lively.

[Shadow_Twisted]

Well, what I intend to work on, provided I can keep myself to it at any length is some "me" work. I tried and failed with a new position because all the problems I have lingered on and the medication and diagnosis served as an excuse. So, I found some key issues I have that hinder me from functioning normally and intend to start working them out. The first on the list is my negative thinking. Having been drowning in negativity for almost as long as I can remember, this may be the hardest, however saving it for later just lets it get in the way of my progress on other things.

As far as the book goes, the self-publishing may still happen, just not directly into an e-book. However, we may look into a literary agent as well. My wife through her work connections managed to get in touch with a professional editor who we will use for the first few pages and use her feedback to decide which route we go. However, we're going through another round of editing before we'll let her see it.

[Shadow_Twisted]

So the "me" work has gone far better than expected. I have opened my eyes to a new, brighter perspective. I feel nothing like I used to and have begun working my way off my meds. Next up is a job. No more work from home, I want to be out among the people doing what I can to spread joy and goodwill.

I have some prospects, but due to certain travel limitations there aren't a lot of choices. I won't let it get me down, though. I realize that I can attract the right opportunities. It's all about intention.

The way I feel these days is just... amazing. All the dark thoughts and negativity have evaporated and in their wake I feel energy and joy. I am no longer fearful of the world around me or the people in it. Everyone I meet is a great new opportunity and I am filled with optimism as I open my mind to the limitless possibilities.

I feel like I am finally alive for the first time in a very long time. I have high hopes for the future and expect to have gainful employment in the not too distant future so I can rejoin the site.

[Shadow_Twisted]

So the "me" work has gone far better than expected. I have opened my eyes to a new, brighter perspective. I feel nothing like I used to and have begun working my way off my meds. Next up is a job. No more work from home, I want to be out among the people doing what I can to spread joy and goodwill.

I have some prospects, but due to certain travel limitations there aren't a lot of choices. I won't let it get me down, though. I realize that I can attract the right opportunities. It's all about intention.

The way I feel these days is just... amazing. All the dark thoughts and negativity have evaporated and in their wake I feel energy and joy. I am no longer fearful of the world around me or the people in it. Everyone I meet is a great new opportunity and I am filled with optimism as I open my mind to the limitless possibilities.

I feel like I am finally alive for the first time in a very long time. I have high hopes for the future and expect to have gainful employment in the not too distant future so I can rejoin the site.

[henkcobra]

I'm happy that the dark times are gone for you.

I had them to and now I look to all the good things I can do and get.

Life is not perfect, but you must work and fight for it to have your ideals come to life!
_________________
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My FA; http://www.furaffinity.net/user/henkcobra/

[Shadow_Twisted]

I had been on quite a few pills during my time I was seeking treatment. Abilify was one of them, which was replaced with Risperidone as a cheaper alternative. The one that I had been on from the beginning, though, was Lithium. Today, I have said goodbye to these pills, taking my last one. In my last visit for med management I saw a new face and because she didn't know my history, couldn't agree to take me off my meds, but she did instruct me on how to go off one and then wanted me to make an appointment to come back to go off the other. I wasn't really going to make another visit just to see if I might be allowed to go off the lithium, so I looked up how to go off it online. I started with the risperidone and followed the directions to go off that. Then a week after that was gone, I began reducing my lithium. Today I took the final dose and look forward to retaking control over how I feel.

[Shadow_Twisted]

Another update, I suppose. After being off meds for awhile and with no real progress towards employment, I found myself slipping into some of the old bad habits. I recognized this, though, and started trying to figure out what went wrong. The answer seemed to stem from the computer. I was prone to getting absorbed into pointless things on the computer and found myself wasting a lot of time doing it. Because I would spend so much time and have nothing to show for it, I would feel guilty and sad. So I started making myself go to "work" every day. While I may not be employed, there are plenty of things for me to do that aren't tied to the computer, so I create a game plan of things to do for the day and set about doing them. Even if I complete all the chores on my list, there are helpful books for me to read or other skills I can practice to help fill out my "work" day. So far it has been a great help and I am feeling better again. I think this will also help get me better prepared for the time when I can re-enter the work force by putting myself in a mindset of being productive and busy at all times while at "work". At the end of my "work" day I am free to relax and enjoy my free time however I choose. It feels a lot better since I know I am accomplishing things, rather than letting days slip wastefully away.

[Shadow_Twisted]

Well, things have certainly gotten a lot more interesting for me as of late. I moved out, though I'm not exactly on my own. Living with family for now. I had ended up applying for a new credit card as a means to getting a new phone since my old one accidentally got washed. I got the card before I had a job, but it all has worked out so far. I got hired and start training Aug 3, provided all of the health check stuff goes well. Not expecting any issues with that, though. I had already organized a bit of a budget for the next few months, but it is just an estimate. I might actually end up with a lot of overtime, so I may have more money coming in than I'm expecting, but for now I'll just focus on making sure I can do the job and hope I can meet my goals. If all goes well I may end up getting a new car around Christmas time. While I was in Florida getting my stuff my wife had me sign a contract, that assures I will get a 25% cut of the book's profits, so if that does well I could end up being well off. I just don't want to sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting on that, though. All in all, I am much happier now and have a brighter outlook on life. Also, a steady income may mean I get my membership back.

[Shadow_Twisted]

Another update, I went ahead and updated the billing info on CCBill to reactivate my membership! With the new job, it was strongly encouraged that I get direct deposit, but I had previously closed my bank account due to an incident with my Paypal getting hacked. When I opened a new account, I was given a credit card offer and decided to take them up on it since the interest rate was low and the limit was high. Transferred my balances to it so now I should only have the 1 credit card bill.

The job has been a little rougher than I had first expected, but it might be taking a turn for the better since some changes are coming up that should help a lot.