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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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 Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | He sees the house its a tan color. It looks like he remmbered in his memories about his childhood. He wiated for the moment to look inside the house.
"You in the orange who are you" "Are you stil lthe guide or what"? |
(( Vague details. Continue detailing the house as you continue posting.
More details concerning the house from outside
Minimum 4 sentences
That is all. ))
This man weaved his cane about, but remained with his face veiled, keeping it well hidden.
"No, I am the first Trial you must face."
The voice was far different from the one of the old man's. It was young and full of vigor and brim.
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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(( Nicely done. You added a plot right there without me telling you to do it. The house plot earned you some points with me.
Add to the plot by adding details
Minimum of 7 sentences
That is all. ))
The strange man in orange shook his head and tapped his cane some more.
"My color is orange, no? Just Range will do just fine. Follow me into the house."
And with these words, the strange man began walking in direction of the house that Andrew knew as his childhood home, the tan painting slowly fading into the colors of fall.
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | (OK one thing I'm going to have a detail that relates to my actual life about my pet dog that died a few months ago so it Will lobe very emotional feeling)
As he laked to the tan house. he saw his half gerrman Shepherd/hal border collie dog run to him.He rembered as a youth it was a friend to him. Because he didnt see his friends often throughtout the week.
"I rember that dog" "Range that used to be my pet ive missed it for years sence it died before i left to bon bon" "Well lets get to the trials" |
(( You didn't have to tell me, mate. You can use any detail you wish, mate. Remember, we are in your subconscious and thus, your trials. So you must detail them yourself.
State information about the pet and the trial
Minimum 5 sentences
That is all ))
Range only continued walking and tapping his cane as he walked upto the porch of the house.
"That German Shepherd is part of the trials. Take him with us."
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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(( Good, good. Keep the detailing, even if it as a minimum.
Continue detailing the situation
Minimun of 8 sentences
That is all. ))
His orange clad suit slowly walked in direction of the family as they watched the happy gathering.
"Your trial, shall be based on one thing. Your kindness. Inside this house, one item holds your kindness at heart, but choose wisely, for only one items shall be the correct one."
(( Cheesy, I know, but it is the only one that comes to mind that may possibly work. ))
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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(( Continue. You are doing well. Eventually, I shall start stepping up the laws, making them harder and harder so you can get accoustomed.
Create an interesting Monologue between both characters. Use different colors for each character.
Andrew (Old): Black
Andrew (Young): Blue
Minimum 6 sentences
That is all. ))
The man in orange nodded.
"Do as you please. I shall be outside when you finish."
And with that, the man left.
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | andrew old : um can you tell me anythign around here that relates to kindness.
Andrew young"wel li got a guitar today"
andrew old "oh my first thanks young me where is it"
andrew young"oh its over there dad gave me a little lesson"
andrew young "oh thats why it means kindness"
he elaves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this eman first trials down" "here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to him |
(( Uhh...did you get distracted or something, mate? This was terrible. Understandable, but terrible. You were doing fine upto this point, so repeat. ))
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furrynerd
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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Andrew old : Can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness?
Andrew young "Well i got a guitar today" "That relates to kindness"
Andrew old "Oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"Oh its over there. he points at a case.dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew old "Oh thats why it means kindness" "Well see you"
young; Bye how is it for me in the future
old: You get alto of friends. Also you get a Friend that you have band thats a bat"
young: "bye/
he elves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "Here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to old :
he leaves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to him
_________________
Andrew Sloth:
http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11636&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=
Ling/Lee:
http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=13105&sid=14034a5e4aec94ff37884ea7194a8743
Last edited by furrynerd on Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:27 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | Andrew old : Can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness?
Andrew young "well i got a guitar today" "that relates to kindness"
Andrew old "oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"oh its over there. he points at a case.dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew old "oh thats why it means kindness" "well see you"
young; bye how is it for e
old: you get alto of friends um you do it lot your Good also you get a Friend that you have band thats a bat"
young: "bye/
he elves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to hinderer old : um can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness.
Andrew young"weal Li got a guitar today"
Andrew old "oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"oh its over there dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew young "oh thats why it means kindness"
he leaves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to him |
(( Better, but Grammar and Syntaxis is bad. Fix it up first. Use the SAME post, just fix up it's Grammar and Syntaxis. ))
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | Andrew old : Can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness?
Andrew young "Well i got a guitar today" "That relates to kindness"
Andrew old "Oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"Oh its over there. He points at a case.Dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew old "Oh thats why it means kindness" "Well see you"
young; Bye how is it for e
old: You get alot of friends and you get a Friend that you have band thats a bat"
young: "Bye"
he elves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "here you go"
passes the black guitar too him/ |
(( Furry, you seem to be stuck in a rut. I said FIX the last post you made with proper Grammar and syntaxis, not make one. Do over, with the post I ORIGINALLY told you. ))
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:30 pm Post subject: |
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(( Oi, oi, oi........Furry. I meant the post that I had quoted.
| Quote: | Andrew old : Can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness?
Andrew young "well i got a guitar today" "that relates to kindness"
Andrew old "oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"oh its over there. he points at a case.dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew old "oh thats why it means kindness" "well see you"
young; bye how is it for e
old: you get alto of friends um you do it lot your Good also you get a Friend that you have band thats a bat"
young: "bye/
he elves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to hinderer old : um can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness.
Andrew young"weal Li got a guitar today"
Andrew old "oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"oh its over there dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew young "oh thats why it means kindness"
he leaves from there with the guitar. the events becomes blurry
"does this mean first trials down" "here you go"
he passes over the black guitar over to him |
This one, to be exact. COPY PASTE THIS POST WITH PROPER GRAMMAR/SYNTAXIS. That is your current mission. ))
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furrynerd
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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Andrew old : Can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness?
Andrew young "Well i got a guitar today" "That relates to kindness"
Andrew old "Oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"Oh its over there. He points at a case.Dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew old "Oh thats why it means kindness" "Well see you"
young; Bye how is it for e
old: You get alo of friends um you do it lot your Good also you get a Friend that you have band thats a bat"
young: "Bye/
He elves from there with the guitar. The events becomes blurry
"Does this mean first trials down" "Here you go"
He passes over the black guitar over to hinderer old : Um can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness.
Andrew young"Weal Li got a guitar today"
Andrew old "Oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"Oh its over there dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew young "Oh thats why it means kindness"
He leaves from there with the guitar. The events becomes blurry
"Does this mean first trials down" "Here you go"
He passes over the black guitar over to him
_________________
Andrew Sloth:
http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11636&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=
Ling/Lee:
http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=13105&sid=14034a5e4aec94ff37884ea7194a8743 |
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | Andrew old : Can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness?
Andrew young "Well i got a guitar today" "That relates to kindness"
Andrew old "Oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"Oh its over there. He points at a case.Dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew old "Oh thats why it means kindness" "Well see you"
young; Bye how is it for e
old: You get alo of friends um you do it lot your Good also you get a Friend that you have band thats a bat"
young: "Bye/
He elves from there with the guitar. The events becomes blurry
"Does this mean first trials down" "Here you go"
He passes over the black guitar over to hinderer old : Um can you tell me anything around here that relates to kindness.
Andrew young"Weal Li got a guitar today"
Andrew old "Oh my first thanks young me where is it"
Andrew young"Oh its over there dad gave me a little lesson"
Andrew young "Oh thats why it means kindness"
He leaves from there with the guitar. The events becomes blurry
"Does this mean first trials down" "Here you go"
He passes over the black guitar over to him |
(( The reason I chose this one [Even though doubled] is because I need to see if you are optimal with your grammar and syntaxis, something you barely managed to prove. ))
Range was out in the porch once more, tapping his cane.
"No. That is not the item. Try again."
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | "Wait this isnt it" "Can i have a hint or do i bring young me out here"
He goes inside to look around. ]Then he asked young andrerw to outside.
young: Ok ill follow you"
old"Ok just go with me"
"Guide young me young me guide"
young "Hello what do i find" |
(( You're doing fine. I saw the mistake with the blue color, but I'll ignore it for now. Remember to always keep a high level of Grammar and Syntaxis.
Detail the search
5 sentence minimum
That is all. ))
"If I were to tell you what item that is, it would defeat the purpose of the trial, no? You may have help from your subconscious self, but no more."
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | young "Well I thought you were talking about the guitar"
Old "then he said it wasnt that"
young : well what is it"
They go into the house. eventual they find a note that said. "look inside the guitar"
Old: zWell i still have it"
looks inside it and finds the best picture of his family
old "We found it"
Old "here you go |
(( Far too vague with the details. More vague than normal. Detail the search for the note within the same post and use proper Grammar/Syntaxis. ))
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furrynerd
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | young "Well I thought you were talking about the guitar"
Old "then he said it wasnt that"
young : well what is it"
They go into the house. eventual they find a note that said. "look inside the guitar"
Old: zWell i still have it"
looks inside it and finds the best picture of his family. they had to find things to get to this. threw a hallway to his room thats where it was.
old "We found it"
Old "here you go |
(( Still too vague and with a few mistakes.
Fix Grammar mistakes/Syntaxis
Detail more about the search
That is your mission. ))
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Katmir
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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Hot-Dog, Stride! You are hardcore. I applaud you.
@FurryNerd: You are improving. I have a question. What is your favorite book or story that I can find at the store?
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"In Excelsis Neo."
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Wolf Stride
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Katmir
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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I'm on it, Stride. I'm using Jedi mind tricks now...
Some of my favorite books are (by title):
"Fortunately", "A Light in the Attic", "Revenge of the Sinister Six", "Pages of Pain", "A Midsummer Night's Dream", "Star Wars: Tales of the Bounty Hunters", and "The Kama Sutra" (yeah, words)...
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"In Excelsis Neo."
Katmir's fursona collection: http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=10161 |
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Wolf Stride
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| Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Katmir wrote: | I'm on it, Stride. I'm using Jedi mind tricks now...
Some of my favorite books are (by title):
"Fortunately", "A Light in the Attic", "Revenge of the Sinister Six", "Pages of Pain", "A Midsummer Night's Dream", "Star Wars: Tales of the Bounty Hunters", and "The Kama Sutra" (yeah, words)... |
(( I must take this note into account and get my hands on these books.
My personal list of favorites, is Vampire Hunter D vols. 1-15, Gundam Recopilation, Code Breaker (Or something....really small book, really old too.) ))
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