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Wolf Stride Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:50 pm Post subject: A Helping Hand for a fellow Furry(nerd) |
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(( Rules be simple. I want to see something you can write, a paragraph, minimum of 6 sentences. This shall be for starters, since I'm a tad bit out of practice myself, we shall do this in RP form. Show me what you're made off kid. I'll point out any flaws noted in Bold and in a quote, just to tell you what you can improve on, seeing as I will start out small and THEN move unto higher grounds. ))
In silence, a ring made of light seemed to spark in the neverending darkness of this mysterious cave. Where, when or even why were questions that held no possible answers. Within the ring, stood a figure in white. Within his hands, a cane only tapped every few seconds or so as his eyes remained tightly sealed within the cane top, it's shaft waving in the gentle breeze that swayed back and forth. All was in complete solitude.
(( I laid some small background.......or whatever, to see how well can you react in a pre-existing enviroment. You aren't supposed to interact with it, but rather detail it in your own way. Use any details necessary and add as many as you like, but have a minimun of six sentences and use proper Grammar. I'll be your judge this time. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | everything surprises me from the old man with the cane. he smells it smells of age.walks further only to see alot of differences in his landscape. it gets wetter as he walks. feels like whats happening. he wonders about everything in this cave. |
(( Oi, try again. Details were quite vague, not to mention you ignored my Grammar rule. Also use proper Caps, mate. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/wolfstride/ = My FA
Last edited by Wolf Stride on Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:07 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Wolf Stride Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | (redo)
Andrew was walking around. The light ring changeing in size as he walked further trying to get out of the cave. He wondered about everything. Who was that fur he saw. Why am i here in this cave. He waklked as he steped he felt the cave change in certain ways. by moisture and sound. |
(( You did nicely this time. The two lines in Bold need a bit more improving. The first one was better off ending as a Question and the last part you forgot to use Caps. Nevertheless, it fits the criteria and is nicely done. I want to see for how long you can keep improving on short, grammar-filled sentences before moving higher up.
Now, I want you to interact with man inside the ring. I shall roleplay as well accordingly, but now, interact with the man and try to be a bit detailed, grammar and punctuations included. I'd say....do a minimun of 3 sentences. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/wolfstride/ = My FA |
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | Andrew walked to him and asked some questions to the fur in white. "hi sir my names Andrew wolfe" "and who are you" ? He feels surprised talkign to this fur because it feels like somethigns wrong. |
(( The sentence itself is fine, but the way you spoke to him needs repairs. Use proper grammar in the speaking sentences. Also, you don't need to separate them in two brackets. It is better that you just place a point and continue along in that form. I suspect that you may be one of those fast typers who tends to type letters before time, so this time, take your time typing up the post and try to use a bit more in details. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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Wolf Stride Rank: Super Veteran

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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | (ok ill work on it again)
andrew walked in to talk to this fur. he asked his questions to the fur.
who is this fur. i here. he introduces himsself.
"hello im andrew wolfe" "can you tell me anythign about why im here, who you are and what is this if its not to rude to ask" |
(( Oi mate. Seems like you forgot your training again. Remember, grammar, punctuations and vague sentences. Although the sentence for the question did improve though. Try again. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | Andrew walked in to talk to this fur. He asked his questions to the fur.
Who is this fur why am i here, why am i here,and who is he. He introduces himself. he saw the fur has a chain.
"Hello I'm Andrew Wolfe". "Can you tell me anything about why I'm here, who you are and what is this if its not to rude to ask"?
he saw that it was very bright and wondered why that was? |
(( Marvelous work, Furry. You're doing nice. Just gotta smooth out some rough edges and you'll do fine in big line RP's. Little letter mistakes like the ones I pointed out are passable, mate. All I will ask is that you keep up this form of RP'ing for now, to see if I can give you the habit of using proper, understandable grammar. ))
The old man only looked towards the floor, staring at the tip of the cane that idly weaved and moved. He seemed completely separated from the plane of reality, like the embodiment of a dream itself. As he stood in the circle and the young man approached him, the old man looked up and within the hood, nothing but stark darkness could be seen.
"This is an alternate plane of reality, my son. You have been brought here to be trained under certain arts, ones I know naught off. I am only but a guide in your journey."
(( The old man spoke to you. Since you cannot see his face, you can only use the small set of visual details I used, like the "embodiment of a dream" or "separated from the plane of reality". These usually mean a distorted form of vision, or blurry, so to speak. Try to incorporate that into the details, along with what he has told you. Keep using the Grammar and Punctuation rules I've set up for ya. This time, the minimum is a total of 4 sentences. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | He looked at the figure. The hooded man forms looks blurry at different points of time. He has serious questions now sense he knew what he was told.
"what do you mean different plane of reality"? "is there anything here like is time relavent"? "can i change what everything looks like by my thoughts"?
he saw that this world is exciting.
(ok anything about is this man a furry or what ) |
(( You can keep up the good work, just don't forget to continue with the proper Caps use on the sentences he speaks as well and you don't need to make them in separate brackets, mate. At the very least, you incorporated details as to what I said and whatnot and did your best. Also, you can make your own details concerning the old man. Wether he is a furry, vampire, werewolf, human, monkey.....Silvador, etc. Is your call. ))
In lieu of an answer, the old man only tapped his cane twice on the strange dirt that surrounded the two.
"I suppose you could, then again, it is upto you. What I mean in Time reality, is that we aren't exactly in Bon Bon, no. We aren't exactly in the Earth either, but rather.....inside your subconscious."
The man spoke circles within words, riddles within riddles in a way.
(( Keep going as you are and remember. Grammar, Punctuation and Proper caps usage is by far what you should concern yourself the most at right now. You can keep the detailing to a minimun if you wish as well.
Minimun sentences for this next shot shall be 4 once more. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/wolfstride/ = My FA |
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Wolf Stride Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:46 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | he opens his eyes as wide as possible. because of what he said. he heard subconscious
"WHAT"? "Were in my mind" "How did you do this" ?!
He is wondering everything about this man
"OK i need to calm down" "OK now one question what are you" ?
he is scared and he thin k"Wel lthis is my mind" he thinks up some women to come over and comfort him. (ok i just mean that they talk to him and massage him no more) |
(( I understand the message and I'll barely allow this one to pass. You did good with the sentences this time, but almost completely forgot the grammar rule and punctuations in the other sentences. Try to maintain them in balance, mate. ))
The blurry forms of women slowly approched the man who identified himself as Andrew. In silence, the old man slowly turned away once more.
"Like I have said, your subconscious. You may do anything you like in here, but remember that your guide awaits."
(( Again, Grammar, punctuation and proper Caps (Syntaxis for short, of all three.). Try to keep them all in the next answer. Next up, 4 more sentences. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 5:09 am Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | He stands up ot hear what he said.
"Sorry i was getting so surprised from what i heard you say. " I needed to calm down" "So what the guide look like"? " So somethign to know any rules in this i have to use" ? |
(( You're doing well Furry. Try to always keep this coherent level of Grammar in your RP posts so you don't anger people in terms of Roleplaying. Keep the syntaxis proper and you shall do good. The only problem on this one is the way you separate your sentences. Even though it is passable, let's see if I can get you to fix that on your own. You can use a point and go in the brackets as well, so you don't have to separate them all the time and make a new one for each sentence your character speaks. ))
If anything, the old man felt ignored and thus, insulted. In silence, the blurry figure turned it's back on the man and tapped his cane on the dirt some more.
"My child, I've told you. I am the guide."
(( Again, Grammar, punctuation, syntaxis. Keep them in mind. Minimum total for this one shall be 6 sentences. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/wolfstride/ = My FA |
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Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | "Sorry sir" "So I'm wondering what do you look like are you gonna show your face"
He wonders because he just looks like a blurry figure
"So what are you planning to teach me" "And Sir what should i call you"
"Because i want to respect my guide" |
(( Impressive work as is, mate. You impressed me this time, not letting the caps slip out and using proper grammar. You missed punctuations though, so there is still room for improvement. ))
The old man shook his head in silence and continued with the tapping of the cane, seemingly repetitive in his motions.
"There is no need for you to see my face, child and you may very well call me Guide. As for respect, it does not matter much. All I do know is that you cannot be permitted exit until you finish the trials before you."
(( For now, you seem to have Grammar and Caps well put, so now concentrate on punctuations for this one. Back to a Minimun of 3 sentences this time. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 9:21 am Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | He walks with him to his right side. He uses his mind to make a path his way.
"So guide what are my obstacles" "Are they ranked from easy to hard or what" ?
he just still walks with him. |
(( Well done. Proper syntaxis and Grammar. A slip-up or two everynow and then won't hurt your case so keep up the good work. ))
As the mental pathway extended foward, the old man began walking. His white suit followed through the darkness flawlessly, making his vision more like a dream than anything. His cane continued to tap the course which he walked.
"That, my son, depends on you. The trials before you are all dependant on the very things that swim in your mind, your thoughts, your worries, your fears, your experiences. It will all be revealed in due time. For now, the only question I can answer, is that you must remember that circle where I was in."
And with these last word, the man vanished, without a trace.
(( Now, your training grows a bit harder now. In your last post, you took a hold of the RP by making a path, which now means you are leading it and thus, must make the necessary details for it. Again, Grammar, syntaxis, etc. must be in order. Your number limit shall be 7 this time and try to add a little bit of detail in them. This part is crucial for a good RP'er because if they begin to lead an RP, they must be creative, allowing them to set the stage for others to follow. Don't try anything extravagant now, just place litle details that give others a mental image as to where he might be an what is going on. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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furrynerd Rank: Super Veteran

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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:33 am Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | His mind exploded with ideas that changed the landscape he creates. It changed the landscape to where it went in different way. At one point they were upside down.
"Well so this will happen in a while"? "The trials" " I thought you would show me because your my guide" ? |
(( You made two pivotal mistakes. One, the Guide dissapeared and second, you were quite vague with details as to the landscape. I'm thinking that I shall write the current situation in summary to see if it is of any help to you.
The Old Man in white, the 'Guide' has vanished
You must create your own detailed landscapes
The total number of sentences you must make is 7
Keep Grammar and Syntaxis in check
These shall be your objectives, to MAKE sure you don't miss out on them. You were doing fine upto this point, so don't fail, mate. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:32 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | (edit)
He went in the right way. he didnt want to get lost. He saw the path they were in changed at points. He didnt know at first it went upide down and had alot of curves. he walked and he enjoyed and was a little scared whren it went up side down.
"so when are the trials starting" |
(( 6 sentences, but you sticked to them rather nicely. You squirmed past this one.
Grammar & Syntaxis Law
The path is now entirely upto YOU. Be detailed.
5 Senetence minimum
Don't forget that, mate. )) _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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furrynerd wrote: | He sees nature as he walks. He thinks what this is where hes at. Theres a house in around some trees and grass. Theres trees that are orange to show its the fall.
"Wait i know whre i am this is were im from" "My house in KY" "This reminds me of so much about my past" |
(( Much better. You did well this time, making it fall and such. Next up, try detailing the house.
5 sentence minimum
Details of the house are required
))
Up ahead, an orange suited man could be seen in the distance. Familiar cane and suit made it clear that this could've been the 'Guide' from before, only the change in colors was new. _________________ http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=238903#238903- Wolf & Grimm!
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