SexyFighters.com

[toonaxe]

(There ya go dear,now you can post away without worry of interrupting the B-day thread.I'd give you my yahoo IM name if you'd prefer to chat there,but I think that might be against the rules.And I know your not a damsel in distress,I'm just extending a paw in help and tailhugs is you need them)

Jess hustled around,fluffing cushions and doing last minute dusting.She set the plate of snacks down,set out the tray with several bottles and an ice bucket on it for drinks,set down the glasses and plates,and made sure there was enough oil in the laterns and enough length of the candles to make sure they would last.Jess carefully surveyed the scene to make sure everything was in order to entertain.

[Caroline]

((*looks left... then looks right* You know, for being "Just for Caroline and Toonaxe" this page sure gets a lot of views. Me thinketh someone is a voyeur, or a lot of someone’s... unless you check this thread like a zillion times in a day. This is the first time I checked it, so... that would put the thread count at like 2 or 3... maybe 4. So... that leaves 35 times that someone not named "Caroline" or "Toonaxe" done did look at the thread... nice.

Anyhows, I appreciate the offer, Jessica, I really do... and I know you don't think of me as being some porcelain doll who can't protect herself and whatnot... just one of the side-effects of being moody like this is I tend to get all cynical and thorny. I really should have picked a porcupine over a wolverine. Um... this post is going to ramble... a lot... and it's probably going to be really mean too. You've been forewarned, Jessica. I'm not really sure why I'm going to type this, as everyone and their freaking dog is going to be able to read it, but... to you voyeurs who don't have the common decency to at least acknowledge in your creepiness, SCREW YOU! *Flips them a full-on-New-York-Style-Bird*

And... I know this is going to sound really mean, but... I figure you might as well hear it, so you can better understand my... stupidness. In some ways, I kinda get the impression you are only interested in me because I'm feeling mopey, lonely, a bit clingy, and depressed. As if, you can get some cheap thrill off me, and not really have to worry about anything. I know it sounds mean, it's just my defenses go all... nuclear when I get into these moods. I do appreciate your generosity, but... it might just be wasted on me. I'm really not worth the trouble. I'm cranky, elitist, moody, bossy, temperamental, and mercurial. I'm stubborn, and I don't let go of the past terribly well. In a lot of ways, my Valerie Lynn Carms character was more accurate than Caroline... caroline tends to be what I find positive in myself, and Valerie tends to be what I find negative about myself... valerie is a lot more fleshed out than Caroline is.

I do guess that the one positive thing that has emerged from all this is I still haven't broken my vow of not smoking... i smoked as i thought it made me seem/look older. When you're short, flat chested, and look about 10+ years younger than you should, you get a lot of creeps hitting on you... when they do bother. I'm not some freaking 16 year old you can get your stupid "Man-Conquers-Woman" jollies off of! Yes. I do wear lolicon-goth clothes. Because I like them. They're frilly and girly, and... it makes me remember I am a girl. I hate not having a chest. It's stupid.

And what is the stupid fetish that guys always ask if I'm freaking shaved nude. What? you can't work around a bit of trimmed and maintained bush? I have to be as bald as a baby’s ass, but you men can be as freaking hairy as a flippin windigo? Just because I look young, doesn't mean I want to shave myself bald! I'm already stupid-girl looking... i know it sounds lame, but... having pubic hair at least reminds me I went through stupid puberty.

I know it sounds lame and jealous, but... I get to look at all the other beautiful women here... you, Camarilla, Mystic, Constance, Katarina, Scorpia, Lidia... and... I feel outclassed. I can't even compete in a virtual world... yeah... i know... lame

I know I'm not beautiful, let alone pretty. Not having any hair sure doesn't help either. I think part of the reason I don’t give it long enough to grow back is the whole “Self-fulfilling-prophecy” thing.

Please don't take this the wrong way… it’s mostly just me being stupid, lame, and moronically overly upset with stuff.))

[Jerin Nekros]

[toonaxe]

(lol over the windigo comment.sorry,couldn't help myself,but that is why I like you deary,your bold and intelligent)

(I understand your defenses and suspecting me of ill intent.But understand dear that the reason I insist on talking to you and befriending you,is that I hate to see anyone in pain that does not deserve it.Your far too brutal on yourself,and believe me I fully understand. I myself am as plain and unattractive as you can even imagine in real life.I have Jess looking the way I wish I looked in real life,so I don't have to be lonely all the time.But this thread is about you mainly,so heres a few thoughts from me.You are possibly one of the most independent and string willed woman I have known.Even before you made the comment about "man-conquers-woman",I knew you were a person who would not allow such petty dominance.I'm alot like that myself sorta,and I try and live by the saying "I bend my will to no one".If someone has interest in me in real life,I have a very bad habit of suspecting that they only want me to make them feel better,until they can find someone else.This is because I've been cheated on so many times,apparently loyalty and sincerity are unknown terms where I live.Oops!talking about me again,sorry.I know for myself,one of the most attractive things I look for in a woman is her eyes.I love staring deep into a womans eyes and getting lost in a sea of emotion.I bet you have some beautiful eyes in real life.I hate to cut this short dear,but I must be off to work. *sits close by you to keep you warm,and gently brushes your tail*)

[Chaosengine]

[Silvador]

firstly, i do admit that i have flicked through the thread. i do not pretend to know what is going on, i do not know the story behind all this, what has started it off, but i do notice that there seems to be a bit of anger here.

Caroline, i just want to say that you really shouldn't be quite so hard. yes, most guys are single minded dicks or perverted freaks but there are those who are not, rare though they are.

forgive me if i am out of place and/or have gotten it all wrong but it just seems to me that you are a little ruffled and i wanted to offer some words that might help to sooth.
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Fursonas: http://tinyurl.com/yzcsyug

[Caroline]

((Well, JerinNekros, since you had the hutzpah to at least admit when you were reading someone elses post, and comment on said post, whether out of true courage or brash recklessness is yet to be found... but... still, I suppose I should at least give you a modicom of credit where due.

I'm a bit calmer today, so I shouldn't tear into you too badly... I am sorry that I yelled at you as well, Jerin. I... tend to get very, very, very isolationist when I get into these moods.

I do appreciate the concern and honesty... and I really wasn't looking for a reply, but... simple-minded courage sometimes goes a long way. As dumb as it sounds, it's kinda why I like Percival in "Excalibur". Of all the knights, being the only one of low-born family, he truly does believe in what he is doing, and in Aurthur and Camalot. So... thank you for listening to me berate myself. And, I am sorry I really lashed into you. I don't do the whole opening up thing well, nor do I get help well either. I do tend to spend a lot of my time by myself, and my people skills... sometimes can use a lot of work.))

((To Toonaxe, I've made my own bed, so I kinda have to sleep in it. I do deserve a lot of what I get myself into. I guess I just miss Steve a lot... he put up with what I am,foibles and all, and... was kinda a willow tree about it. I really can go extreamely hostile when my defenses start going off. I've... had a mixed bag of adventures growing up. I can't say I really would want to change my past, but... sometimes I just wonder stupid stuff like, "why couldn't I have been popular at college," or other such lame, and self-defeating ideas.

My eyes are kinda-nice... they're dichromatic. Well, it's mostly brown, but I have a blue wedge on my one eye, so the drivers liscence says "dichromatic"... but brown eyes tend to be plain and ugly, so... I suppose that would be out.

Anyhow's I'm oddly way more calm today than I was yesterday. I'm not saying that everything is sunshine and apples, but... well, it helps whenI go out and get something for myself. yeah, i know... lame. Girl shops to make herself feel better. Well, yes, I freaking do. I bought some blue-rays and some video games. And I feel better. It's theraputic... i put a lot of thought into what I decide to buy, and it gets me distracted from what is upsetting me, and... sometimes makes the problem actually look smaller since my head is calmer... if that makes any sense.

It's... kinda nice that you find me cute, or at least interesting enough to chat and flirt with... but... and you knew the "however" was coming... I really don't get into girls. I'm not saying the attention isn't nice... despite how often I'm by myself, it is nice when i notice people actually paying attention to me, if that makes any sense, it's just... i kinda like the boys. I will say my lesbian friends are a lot more... subtle about trying to get into my pants... but anyhows.

I guess the biggest reason is that... it lets me be in charge. And... in a kinda sadisticly pleasing way, its fun seeing a big, 200 pound, gorilla of a man cry for mercy from a little, waif of a girl. And I'm not talking about the stupid-sterotypical-leather-dominatrix that forces you to lick her boots and crap. I have more class in myself than that. I am a princess, and, therefore, my dominance tends to be... more classy and proper. Think... well, the main character of the "Vicious" anime fits well. I tend to break my toys. And... i know this is going to sound really lame, but... i kinda don't want to break you. You're... calming to be around. I bet if we were actually around each other, we'd do stuff all the time together. So... I guess I don't want to upset you or hurt you by making you think something that isn't there. I know you're beautiful... else you couldn't have come up with "Jessica Belle"... stupid-side-note, "Belle" means "Beautiful" in French... anyhows, as much fun as it would be to play with you, I... don't think it would be appropriate, if that makes any sense.

I was going to teach you about the game "Contractions"... and... i might still tell you about it, so you can actually use it with your friends, but... and please don't take this wrong, i just don't think it would be appropriate for us right now.

So, I guess I'll stop my ramblings for now. Thank you, Jessie, for listening to me be stupid.

And, bleh for going to work at 6:00 in the morning. That's why I work 2nd shift. I can't stand mornings.))

[Silvador]

yeah i know i shouldn't have read it, but i did, sorry, curiosity.

1. where did you get the idea that brown eyes are ugly? they are quite beautiful, especially with brown hair and/or less than light skin. not just saying that, honest.
2. the whole girl goes shopping to feel better think i think has become a little blown out of proportion these days. if it takes your mind off things and calms you, then that's a good thing. we all need something to distract us from time to time, to hell with what others think.
3. a little more personal but... truly honestly, it's kinda creepy how much you remind me of me. seriously here, i'm not trying to send out any kinda signals or hints or anything here, i'm just pointing out something. your last post gave a bit more insight to what's going on in this thread (though i still don't pretend to know exactly what it is) and as i read it, it honestly sounded like something i might have written myself. your personality seems to be very similar to my own and i find it... interesting.

i think i've stuck my nose in where it doesn't belong for now. but i do want to say this much, (again, not a hint of any kind, purely personal thoughts) i honestly think i would enjoy having you as a friend.
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Fursonas: http://tinyurl.com/yzcsyug

[Chaosengine]

(Well, Caroline, our personalities seem to be as different as night and day. My rants of explosive anger seem to have earned me a negative mark. I'm curious to see how folks will react to your dischord. I have the sneaking suspicion that you'll be forgiven in the end. Even if you don't want them to...)
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"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[Jerin Nekros]

[Tursi]

(Hehe... we have "someone else's" posts now? I didn't read before today since the exclusive and RP-only threads generally get me ignored or unwelcome anyway, especially if Toonaxe has started them (heartbreak!)... but since you're angrily demanding that "voyeurs" speak up, Caroline, and I don't want a wolverine's anger, I'll just check in that I checked in.

Sorry you're having a hard time of things. I think you're a sweetheart. I didn't see the 'shaved' posts.. that's.. odd. But hey.. be you. You're pretty awesome.)
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http://harmlesslion.com

[Samuel Blackwing]

[toonaxe]

(Did I ignore someone?Not on purpose if I did.)
(Ahh,I bet your eyes are more hazel then just brown.Probably like soft liquid pools of pure chocolate,with those darling little wedges of blue in them which must stand out in bold contrast like blue crystal shards emerging from smooth flowing sands on some tranquil beach.Eep,now I'm sounding flirty again *blushes*,well dichromatic is a cool sounding word,hehe.I know you don't like girls,most tend to be overly fragile or overly bitchy.But then the same can be said for men to,lol.And though you don't like women,doesn't mean we can't have fun in a non-sexual way.I've even let men give me back rubs in the past (don't even think of trying it in this post fan boys,I'll toss you in a cage full of horny wookie doms.)
I am definitely curious about your game,hopefully get to play someday.*snuggles close to you to keep you warm* I don't know about you,but its really cold where I live.)

(Guh,how I wish working swings and graves,but with a gov't job comes gov't hours.)

[Caroline]

((*sigh* well, great... get me in a talky mood, and everyone and their brother posts something... so... here goes... mind you, I'm still on the acerbic and taciturn side, so... don't be suprized if i berate or chide you.))

To Silvador:

((Well... I suppose you can put this set of comments of mine off as "Caroline's-real-world-avatar-defense-computer-going-all-y2k"... it wasn't one of my better moments. I am kinda peeved in some ways, but... i suppose you weren't trying to get some cheep thill or something.))

To Chaosengine:

((...I guess it probably might have to do with most of my ranting was a rather negative set of emotions debasing myself, instead of something else... i was more flogging myself than anything...))

To Tursi:

[Xebulon]

Well Caroline, the reason I followed this thread was out of concern. When someone has been going through a bad time and then pops off out a side door, it's only natural for her friends to go looking for her. And you do have friends here. I haven't said much about your current situation because I don't know what to say. I am sorry, truly I am, but I don't. I don't have a corresponding frame of reference from which to relate so at most I could chime in with little words of encouragement here or there that end up sounding empty and trite. Experience has taught me that in those situations it's often better to wait until what I can say actually has meaning. Despite the appearance I try to cultivate I'm not particularly good at verbal comfort, I've always been more inclined towards the physical. A body to hug, an ear to vent into, on blessedly rare occasions testicles to kick, these are the kinds of things I can do. I regret that they are of no use to you. I apologize if you feel that my concern was inappropriate.
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I like old jokes. With them I know when to laugh.

[Silvador]

[toonaxe]

*smiles softly* Don't think of me as someone hitting on you,as I said the doings I do with you are harmless and non-sexual as I fully understand and respect the fact that you don't like girls.Just think of me as a warm furry blanket to keep you warm and perhaps some measure of comfort.

[Chaosengine]

(As lame as it may be, I'll offer a unique proposal. If at any time you feel the need to vent or decry, hurl your anger at me. I can take it and in all honesty, I kinda like it... sort of. Just an idea, Caroline.)
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"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[relentless]

[Tsavo]

As usual I'm pretty out of the loop and probably rude to intrude on this. But Caroline, if you're not feeling well I hope you feel better soon. I know it isn't much, but it is all I wanted to add.
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Owner of the Lion's Den Pub.
Tsavo's story:
Somewhere to Help You Sleep

[Caroline]

Chaosengine wrote:

[toonaxe]

*snuggles up with you in a nice cuddle,resting my head on your shoulder and brushing my cheek against your cheek fur,giggling at the soft tickles it gave* hehe,had to do that at least once.Yeah I can be overly-cute sometimes,but did you smile at the imagery of me tickling myself while being friendly at the same time?

[Tursi]

(Toonaxe: if your comment about ignoring was for my comment, fear not! Nobody in particular was being singled out. I mentioned you because your threads are usually titled 'for the ladies', which leaves me out, and let's face it, you have the fluffiest tail in Bonbon, so I sigh. )

(Edit: felt I worded the above poorly -- let me emphasize, your choice in partners is perfectly cool with me and any sighing or nudging on MY part is intended as pure friendly teasing, and definitely not in any bad way.)

(Caroline: It's easy to be down on yourself, I often am myself. There's not much I can say that will help that, but do take the time to look around and see that we all care enough to check in, and if we can think of anything to say, we say it because we want to show that we care. I tend to recommend ice cream breaks. It's really hard to eat ice cream and be down at the same time. )

(General: I'll get out of the thread now. It's easy cause I'm going out of town again. I don't promise not to check back when I return. )
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http://harmlesslion.com

[toonaxe]

I could live with that title "Fluffiest tail in Bon Bon". lol,I wish I was artistically inclined,that sounds like a fun pic to make.hehe

[Jerin Nekros]

[Symphony]

I don't feel that I have known you for that long, Caroline. Okay, I guess I don't really know anyone here, but what I mean is that I haven't interacted with you for that long. I think it was because of the Project Aten RP that I began talking a bit with you, and paying more attention to your posts. And I like what I've read from you. Even now that you're posting about something this unhappy. No, I don't like the fact that you're going through unhappy times, but I respect the fact that you can post about it. I don't think that I could do that myself. I feel awkward just reading and commenting on other people's personal threads, but I wanted to comment here anyway, even though I'm not good at it.

So I hope you're feeling better, or that you will feel better soon.
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Constance Mayflower's bio

Constance Mayflower's diary

The Mayflower Diaries

[Caroline]

[Chaosengine]

[Xebulon]

It's good to know that things are improving for you, Caroline.
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I like old jokes. With them I know when to laugh.

[Caroline]