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number one

I hope you guys are not offended by this joke. I found it on a mag
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Florida court sets atheist holy day

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The arguement was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kipp ur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calender says April 1st is April Fools day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day."
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number 2

Watch your tongue

Relex Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport-size photograph of his son for college admission.

Accidentally the photograph dropped down from his pocket. he started searching for it frantically and found it on the floor below the ends of a woman's saree.

He asked her, "Can you lift your saree? I wanna take photograph."
The rest is self-explanatory. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Jaswan Singh on the bed next to him in a worse condition.

Jaswan explained what happened to him. He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus.

He could not find any hotel so he approached a house nearby and asked the hosts whether they would allow him to stay there for a night. The owner replied, "I have two grown-up daughters. Sorry, you can't stay here."

Disappointed, Jaswan approached the next house and asked the owner whether he could stay there for a night. This one also replied, "I have three grown-up daughters. Sorry you cannot stay here."

He thought he had asked the wrong question so this time he wanted to rephrase it. He went to the next house and asked, "Do you have grown-up daughters?"

The owner replied "Why?" and Jaswan said: "I want to stay for a night."
The whole village came out and beat him up till he fainted.

Wise words:
Words can send you into deep trouble if you don't use them correctly. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge alright, but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness
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