SexyFighters.com

[Zombie]

One month and I've stayed away. I kinda been feeling like I'm over it just really really tired lately but I think that's because I'm working and getting up so early and I'm not in my "high" state anymore. I still get kinda sick like cold wise but just need to balance my diet again.

I have not made an appointment with the dr this week. I havent even got called why I havent been in there. This last week was the easiest I think. People can tell a big difference already, just that I'm not as open as I used to be, I'm kinda back to my quiet self, yet it's funny cause I think of how open and non shy I was on pills everyday all day and now I'm just that boring non talkative person again.

Kinda looking into getting into dating again but just so not ready I don't think.

Alley you reading this thread anymore?
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[tyger]

Way to go, Zombie. Things will get easier day after day. You just have to be persistent. I saw the picture of your kids. They're very cute. They should be the focus of your life and your way of combating your addiction. You have a lot to live for, my friend. My best wishes is for you to continue on the path to recovery.

[tyger]

[AlleyBaggett]

A big thanks for everyone on the support you've given me about my brother.

Jake....I'm still here don't worry. I was away for a bit due to lots of work and all but I'm back. It's good to know that you're doing GOOD and being strong. I am still so very proud of you. 1 month....WOW!! That's kind of a long time....to have done it all on your own. That is something to be very proud of.

Oh sorry to have gone off on my brother like I did in front of everyone. You know...as mad as I get with him...I still LOVE him and of course I will STILL be there for him. I could never really just walk away like that. I guess sometimes you just need to vent off some frustrations sometimes.

Jake oh....I LOVE the pics of your little ones. They are SOOOO cute!!! Just like you!! You know....you really are.....VERY GOOD LOOKIN

You know if you are quit and shy....and don't speak much...that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I'm like that too...(really I am).

My brother is doing okay...I guess. I haven't really spoken to him but I've heard he's doing okay. He just got a new job. He dumped some other chick that he was seeing that was supplying him with pills. He's gone to church....and I think he plans on going back. Jake you should try going to church too. Sometimes just being inside a church makes you feel better.

Love you Jake....Your strength and courage is a big inspiration to us all.

Take care of yourself.....
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[Zombie]

Hi guys, sorry its been so so long since I got back. I am still good and feeling better then ever as far as addiction goes. I'm hurting though but it's going to take time to learn to manage with it or to try to build up my muscles in my back or whatever I need to do to try to not hurt so much.

It has gotten a little worse or I'm feeling more pain now that it has gotten colder. I guess injuries don't like the cold weather that much?

I almost got back onto narcotic medications. I went to talk to my Dr. about not wanting to take pills anymore because they just weren't working and that I want to do something other then just taking something for it because it just seemed like a quick fix however when I run out or get close to running out it feels worse then before.

So she tells me about this "new" medication that isn't a pill and it's a patch. It's supposed to work for 3 days. So I was like ok I'll try that. Little did I know at the time it was like 10x's stronger then morphine or even methadone (the drug they give to herion addicts to kick the habit and for pain also) also that it's primary use for this patch was for cancer patients... CANCER PATIENTS!!!

So I put the patch on the first day. About 10-12 hours later I'm actually feeling it or have forgotten that I was in pain, this was working, about 18 hours with it on I'm feeling GOOD! I mean like happy buzzed all the time. Still forgot about all my pain so I'm thinking, holy shit wow this is awesome. Then I start to research it on the net. That's when I found out it's the strongest narcotic medication out there, used for cancer patients, people actually liking this patch more (addicts) for the continous "high" feeling without having to take pills or popping more and more pills each time.

So I get concerned, not to mention that I was really really droggy and like zonked out almost at work. The next morning was so so tough trying to stay awake, I even like nodded off a few times since we're slow first thing in the morning then it starts to pick up. So I start to read more and more about this patch and finding more info like how highly addicted this is, and it's also used for people who are opiate tolerant. So like oxycontin, morphine, or methadone just doesn't work for those patients anymore.

So now I start to freak out because I just got off a pill habit, and how strong this stuff is! Morphine always has scared me, as has Oxycontins because how addictive they are so I've always stayed away from them or never asked for them. So after the 3rd day I'm still really droggy and just not feeling good, like just zonked out or something. I change the patch and go to a second one but my body wasn't getting used to it other then it took the pain away constantly and I felt good all the time. However I took them back to the Dr and just said I didn't want them because I knew that if I had gotten comfortable with them, able to manage as myself and such that I would become addicted to this and have a worst time then before with the hydrocodones or percosets, also the things I've read about it being so hard to come off and the withdrawls are much much worse then methadone/herion which are pretty rough. I also knew even though I could stop taking them, just having them around would eventually make me want to put one on or even "eat" one as I read how or what people would do with them to make them more potent then they already are. Also what freaked me out was how people have died taking this patch.

So since I was still strong minded I just took them all back to the Dr. Eplained that they were just to strong and effecting my work (which it was, there was a call that got recorded and since our greeting is pre recorded and comes on automatically I don't have to say it over and over, so a call came in, my greeting went on and at the end it asks for a name. The guy gives a name and it's silent, dead silent, then like after like 30 secs the guys is like "hello" still silent another 30 secs "are you there" then all of a sudden I snap out of it and just go "yeah" and I don't even remember that)

She tried to say she would lower the dose and I just said nah, that I read about it, and how strong it is freaked me out and that I wanted other alternatives then this.

So that was done with and the second patch I had I just left it on till it pretty much fell off as to "wheen" me down, plus I also read that if you're on it for 30 days or more you're pretty much hooked and will need it all the time. So fuck that.

Other then that litle episode I've been great. My mindset is better, I'm not moody like I was getting. My job performance has gotten way way better. Like I mentioned I work at a call center doing tier 3 data tech support, basically the highest support the customer can get to and out calls are recorded and scored and I was averaging like 5's and 7.6's and now I've been getting 8's and 9's just missing 10's which is a "perfect" call. My sleeping is a little rough cause it's hard to get to sleep when I'm hurting cause can't get comfortable but I'm not feeling all droggy in the morning like just instantly wanting or needing pills to get me going. Still shy but I've been doing better.

I can't thank Alley and everyone here who helped supporting me enough. I think Alley's comments and being in a similar situation motivated me even more then what I was. Just the acknowledging of little ol me really made me more determined. You'd think "Celebrities" could care less about us little people but Alley really showed a side I never would have expected to see and that just made me more determined. I really do appreciate it and I'll never forget this.

Sorry again I've been away. I just couldn't find enough time to sit here and type most of this as I usually type something big. Also had internet problems but was able to catch Alley and some of you all in chat so that was awesome.

So still around and still doing good. Sorry if I worried any of you thinking I might have gotten back on and was afraid to come back but I've been good. I've kinda drank a little on weekends but I've gotten so used to not drinking that I don't even like to drink anyways anymore, or abuse drinking. Basically knowing my limit and my comfortable limits because I don't like that drunk feeling or the hangover the next day.

Thanks again and I hope everything is going well for everyone and Alley hope you're brother is getting better. Has there been any updates from him? Has he been off and or at least staying away from those people?

Jake
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[AlleyBaggett]

HI Jake!

It's great to hear from you. I'm so happy that you've been doing good and staying strong & positive.

Of course I care about you Jake. Why shouldn't I? You are a young guy who has 3 beautiful children. I understand you because I ask myself....what if that was me?....what if that was my brother? It would mean so much to me...if I had the support and love from so many people....so why shouldn't I treat you how I would want to be treated? My heart and compassion is so big! I love the fact that I'm older.....because It makes you wiser, more caring, more loving, more confident and stronger as a person.

I think you are VERY VERY smart for trying to stay away from that patch. It sounds like some SERIOUS stuff!! Have you tried looking into a chiropractor, sports therapy (there are facility's that specialize in this) or accupuncture for your pain? At least 1 of these types of muscle therapies definitely WILL work. They make people with back pain feel better all the time. This is what they do. When you do see someone....I would love to know how it goes.

Jake give your babies a big kiss for me!!

Oh and 1 more little thing...Do you drink coffee? Drinking 1 cup a day is perfectly fine for your health. Also...Red Bulls are good quick pick me up. Then there's the natural best choice for a "pick me up," Green Tea. Green Tea is also good to basically clean out your system. Green Tea is SOOOOOO good for you. You should try one these caffiene drinks when you think you're needing it. I drink Green Tea and on the occasion I'll have a Red Bull.

Well....I'm going to leave you now......With a face full of kisses!

Take care of yourself sweetie pie.

love ya

XOXO
ALLEY
_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[Zombie]

Hi again, yeah I drink Red Bulls. Not a coffee drinker though, yuk lol. I used to drink like 4 red bulls in a day! Now I'll have one here and there. I think I'm going to try the green tea though I hear alot of good things about it.

I didn't mean that you wouldn't have cared, guess just somebody of you status wouldn't really look or respond to an issue of this nature. By status I mean like famous celebrity, it's awesome that you take time out of your day to do what you do for your fans and all. If only all celebs could be like that ya know.

I think it was the patch making me really droggy though and of course when I was coming off my pills. I've been feeling much better, going to bed at decent times, able to wake up now on time and ready for the day. Heck even weekends I get up early and I'll get mad since thats my only two days to sleep in lol. As for the hurting, yeah, have an appointment in Dec for pain management. A different dr, would have gotten sooner but that was the only time I could get off as Nov is booked and used up. But looking at that and acupuncture. As for physical therapy I know alot of exercises, and stretches so I've been trying to do that and staying away from weights. Plus I want to do a MMA Fight during the winter season so trying to get in shape for that.

I used to and still kinda do coach wrestling at the high school here, so that where I'll get to work out. I don't really wrestle with the students anymore because I'll be hurting all night and the next day. I've kinda know my limits now, sucks but I'd rather be safe then getting hurt doing that. For the MMA Fight if I do do it, then I'll be sure that I can do it and make sure I've stregthen my back as best as I could to prevent an injury.

Thanks for your responce again.

Jake

PS How's your brother?
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[xaldub]

I just want to take the time to say that this thread proves Alley is extra-special . Supporting a fan like this in his time of need is so comforting and serves to illustrate your many personal qualities ( which we always knew you had ! ). I sincerely hope that the situation with your own brother resolves itself soon. What a fantastic scenario that would be , if you could sit down as a family at Xmas knowing that ll the troubles were behind you.

<Raise your glasses gentlemen and toast to Alley >

Cheeeers xxxx

[j3a]

hey jake!
sorry it's been a while since i dropped by to say something - but kinda hard sometimes to sit down at the comp for long enough to get caught up on everything and post something as well.
i'm really glad to hear that you are doing so well - i was wondering there for a bit if you had slipped back into that trap of the pills. sounds like it was a close call there with the patch though, huh? i can't believe that the dr would not have warned you about the side effects and/or risks involved with that patch - or even their addictive nature! you did the smart thing in researching what you were taking - it's always a good thing to know exactly what chemicals you are putting into your body. crazy what some people will do for a high - eating those patches???
well, anyways it looks like you have beaten the whole cycle - congradulations on being so strong in the face of your pain and temptations. keep it up!!
good luck with everything and i wish you continued health!!

[Zombie]

Hey guy's and Alley, a little over a month and an UPDATE! Today I finally had a day off and dedicated it to dr appointments. Went to the pain management spine and rehabilitation (not from drugs but from injuries) center today. They checked some things, offered some things, and found some things. Everything went good. Tried injections, 6 steriod shots in my back today was the first step. Second they found a place for physical theropy that's open on Saturdays! Also ordered me a machine so I can electricute my ass at home lol It's one of those that you put a thing on the top of your spine and on the bottom and it sends electric currents to stregnthen the muscles.

So finally got something going that will work around my schedule. Went to my primary dr. Had a long talk about things, we finally came eye to eye and able to do a plan. Now, do have to mention I finally was able to go back to the gym about 2 weeks ago, me being as dumb as I am and went kinda full force or basically doing my weight sets and all where I left at after I've been gone from it for 2 months was really stupid but thats how dumb I am lol Well anyways, while doing like "Skull Crushers" for my triceps but on a machine and you sit slanted and I have it set to like 140lbs and on my second set around my 7th or 8th rep I extend out (keep in mind this puts alot of pressure in the middle of my back) and POP! I felt like right in the middle of my back, then the pain shooting down into my leg sharp sharp and getting numb and tingaling. So kinda freaking out but able to walk. So I walk it off and that's it I'm done (was almost done anyways) and I go and stretch cause its hurting. It wasn't a big pop it felt like maybe one of those plastic little bubbles they use to wrap things in like when shipping and when you get them you can't help but popping all of them, well like that.

After I stretch I go to the hot tub so I don't get sore and to let it massage my back what not, by this time I'm barley able to walk or put pressure on my right leg. So I'm limping hobbaling around everywhere and of course people asking me if I'm ok but I'm stubborn and jsut say yea plus I didn't feel like spending a few hours in the ER or them calling an ambulance or anything for me that night. So I get home, ice it, took some tylenol and ibprophan and get to bed. Next day I'm sore as hell because I was stupid and over did it and still can't walk or put pressure on my right side with having a sharp shooting pain, so I'm thinking maybe I pulled or popped a muscle, I still would get numb tingaling in my right buttock cheek so thinking maybe I pinched a nerve or something. So ice it, take a couple of hot baths and took regular over the counter pills to kinda help (which btw really doesnt do shit anymore considering everything that I've done or have taken so my body is just way passed getting any relief from those medications) but it kinda helps maybe a tad plus supposed to help on inflamation.

Come Sunday forget it, still hurting like hell not to mention I'm even more sore on my arms but can't freaken walk and now I'm like hunched over and can't straighten up. So I go to the ER before I get my kids. Sure enough, one of the vertabre's that I had a minor fracture to (I have 3 that was small fractures like hair line cracks whatever, enough to cause alot of pain but not serious enough to do surgery and just hope it heals) well fractured even more and like my bone spine bone whatever is touching each other, the vertabre I guess seperates from the bones touching so its kinda like that vertabre whatever is not there, while it's there but its really thin so it's causing the bones to touch and pinching nerves (the number tingaling part) and the bones touching is whats causing the shooting pain and the pain in the back. So dr gave me some medication nothing strong and not alot (er's don't give more then 30, but mine only gave me 20) and made the appointsments and stuff to figure out what we're gonna do....

So we did that, my dr did get me back on meds but not as strong and I'm not taking just to take or taking every 4-6 hours. Only when absolutely needed. Like this weekend I was home all weekend able to lounge around and didn't take any. So the 20 the ER gave me lasted me like almost 2 weeks where as before I would have went through those in 2 days.

So, yea I fucked myself up, but this time going through everything and actually made them find the stuff needing to be done also coming clean about why I didn't want meds and or coming up with a way so it doesnt get out or hand again, which I think is more on my end but it's also great now that the dr knows, and I didn't really tell her I had a huge problem with it just more that I didn't want to go through what I had to when I stopped and got sick. I did let her know how much I was taking before and how I managed to get more since i always ran out before my refills. So we're just doing 30 and as needed and not going to give me more if I run out fast. We're basically trying to let the 30 last for a month or at least two weeks. Also were not going to jump to different pills and or different dosage. We're staying on the lowest mg basucally 5mg/325mg... The 5 is the "narcotic" part and the 325 is the tylenol part. Also signed a contract that I cannot go to any other dr or hospital to get narcotic medications and that all prescriptions have to be approved by her and at only one pharmacy. The spine specialst at the pain management spine rehab clinic is also in sync with the dr and they both talked on the phone when I went to my reg dr on the plan and who was prescribing what and all. How long we're looking at for results and such.

So even though I got my script filled havent taken anything since I'm at home and able to manage it, plus the injection they gave me today is actually helping it not hurt as much. Also when I do go back to work I'm only tkaing 2 with me and not the whole bottle.

My friend that I was afraid to tell is in the know that I got some again for what has happened (he still doesnt know that I was on longer then he knew about and that I quit again) so to him I've been off the whole time till now and I've talked to that if I start taking just to take or for recreation use kinda I guess you could say or to get that high warm and fuzzy feeling that he will keep my medication and only give me like one or two for the day or when I'm hurting and need to but also would have to take in front of him also can not take more then one at a time and if I take one then cannot take another one till after 6 hours so that's why there's no need to have more then 2 in a day. Also if anything just going to try half a pill to begain with and see if that helps.

I don't think what I'm doing is a bad thing as this is legit, also that I'm being alot more responsible with how I'm doing this and putting more of an effort into going to physical therapy and doing what I have to do to get better and healed instead of just relying on a pill to mask the pain for so long but not doing anythign else to help with it.

I hope I'm not letting anyone down and you guys can see I'm taking this more serious this time and I think my biggest thing that I've done to make sure it doesnt get out of hand was being more open with my dr, sharing my concerns on what I didnt wnat to happen also letting people know that this is what I have to take or would be taking again but also like I said doing the other things to help me heal faster.

Also part of the plan as well is, if I'm not feeling better by like Feb so we're giving like 2 months, and I don't mean like perfect better but at least improvement then we'll look to surgery. RIght now though they think it's early enough that we can stregthen around it and all and thats why the injections, it was like inflamation medicine and a steroid so like to cut the swelling down and the steroid to get it stronger in that area faster.

Alley if you still read this how's things on your end? Also I really hope I'm not letting you down, if I am please let me know what you think or if you have maybe some other suggestions because you helped me through a dark period of my life and I know in my heart that I'm not going to go down that path again but if you think I should just ditch them all together (pills) and just suck it up if have to then I'll do that, also anyone else if they think I shouldn't try this or if I'm doing the right things and or going about this the right way.

I better get going, sorry for the long long post but once I had my talks today and all the first thing that came in my mind was to update everyone on what had happened and what the plans are so hopefully I'm making good decisions.

Thanks again for taking time to read this and putting in your thoughts.
_________________

[nebraska]

Hey Zombie;

I have read a few of your posts, so I know a little bit about your story. Not a whole lot because I have only been in the forum for a short time. But I do want you to know that I am having good thoughts for you and pulling for you. I think you are making a very wise move and being absolutly honest and up front with your doctor. That is priority #1. She can't 100% be able to help you with everything, unless she knows everything she is dealing with in your life or past situations. Her job is to get you healed. You need to be upfront and honest with her at all times to give her the best chance of doing that.

The physical therapy is very, very important. You need to take it slow and do exactly what they want you to do. I know that at times it can be very painful and at times you may think that you should be seeing results faster then what they seem. Be patient and put everything you got into every session. It is also important to find a physical theapist that you like and are very comfertable with. The better the relationship with your theripist the harder you will work with that person.

I have way to much experiance with physical therapist, so I know how important it is to be with someone you like, and give it 100% every session no matter what. 4 years ago my daughter had a fractured skull and brain trama. They gave her less than 5% chance of even living a day or 2. She had a couple brain operations the first few days. She was in a coma and the CCU for about 6 mo. then she got to be moved to an ICU. She very slowly started to wake up little by little over the next few months. She was in the hospital for a total time of 22 months. What I am getting at Zombie is that she couldn't do anything with her body, because her brain wasn't telling her body how to do it. Her brain could't even tell her how to eat. She had a feeding tube the whole 22 months. Basicly they said she would be bed ridden and maybe even not able to talk. Well we got physical theripists for her arms and legs. She had the butt shocker like you. We had other theripts for her speech . She had to learn how to do everything all over again. She had dozens of therapists for every part of her body and mind. They pushed her and pushed her over the last 3 years. It hurt, she was frustrated, things were not progressing for her fast enough. But Zombie, she worked as hard as she could every session, even through the pain because that's what it was going to take to get healed. As of today all those 1000's of hours of physical therapy have paid off. Her speech is perfect, she walks perfect, she goes jogging. She swims with dolphins and goes jet skiing. She works out at the gym 3 times a week. She is a miricle. She just got her drivers lic. and got her a her Black Jetta which she loves. She can't drive alone yet though. Sometimes she forgets where she is or going. But she goes to school a few days a week and started working a part-time job. Anyway, she still has a few hurdles to cross but she keeps working as hard to make that happen for her. She continues to wake up and her long term memory is getting very good , and her short term memeory as well. Her brain contiues to re-wire itself and she is about 90% waken-up!!

I know that your situation isn't like my daughters, but I wanted you to know like her, do everything that the doctor's want you to do, and go into your therapy sessions with the thought of doing absolutly everything that you possibly can to get everything out of each and every session. I promise you that in time your body will start to heal and you will someday soon be in the place you want to be.

You stay strong Zombie, I know that you can and you will get through this. And you will also come out of it a better man and you will know that you are able to overcome any other situations that may come in your life. Best of luck to you and I will keep good thoughts for you and keep you in my prayers. You will get through this Zombie!

Blessings.........

nebraska

[j3a]

hey jake!
glad to hear from you again - and i'm really glad to hear that you are doing so well!! good to see that you finally came clean to your doctors and got them all on the same page - i think that was probably the best thing you could have done for yourself. i'm glad that it seems you have good doctors who know what to do in your situation, and are working together, and taking precautions to make sure that you don't fall into that trap again. like nebraska said, it is their job to get you better, and the best way that they can do that is to work together with you, and for you to tell them everything going on during your recovery.
i don't think that it is a bad thing that you have been prescribed some more drugs... now that your doctors know what happened, and are in the loop, they know what they are doing. i think you should trust their judgement. just make sure you are taking them as prescribed, that is probably the most important thing. it is kind of unfortunate that you hurt your back again and are in the situation where you would need more painkillers, but just concentrate on getting better. and once you do, take it easy and try not to overdo it again!
good luck with everything - get better soon and i hope it all goes well!!



nebraska -

i'm sorry to hear about your daughter's accident, but i'm glad to hear that she is doing so well after what sounds like a horrible event! that truely is a miracle. i'm glad to see that she has the heart and courage to work so hard to get her life back. i'm sure you are very proud of her!! being a father myself, i know that they are our world, and i couldn't imagine going through that with her. 22 hours is a LONG time to be in a hospital, let alone 22 MONTHS!!! congradulations on her recovery, and continued success to the both of you!


you guys all are an inspiration!!

[Zombie]

Hi thanks, that's a really incredible story and real motivating. I hope she continue's getting better through life seems like she's over come alot. I'm actually doing ok. I've only taken a couple, like one a day and mainly in the eve when I've been up and around all day. I just keep em out of sight and out of mind. They actually seem to help better not "abusing" them to be honest and it could be just cause I cleaned myself out so now they like actually work and not doing more and more to get to that next level.

I go back to work tomorrow, already have my night planned and gonna start to get to bed soon. I think alot of my problems are my bed. I've tried to make it the most comfortable as I could but come income tax time instead of spending a couple of grand on electronics I think I'm going to get me a new bed finally. That should help alot. I'm also just coming to terms that this is going to be something that is going to take a long time to heal and maybe not even fully heal but like me and my dr talked that the pain/spine dr is there to help me be able to manage it and that I'm to young to be stuck on medications for the rest of my life.

I think my abuse of them is from depression also, even though you probably couldn't tell and I couldnt "feel" it as much I think it's there. Liek I said I'm a quiet person natuarally, however I've secluded myself on weekends, just stay home, in bed, around the house, sometimes I'll get out and go to the store at night to get some drinks and snacks (non alcoholic) but come right back home. So gonna try to be up early and just go do things even if it's window shopping in the mall or something. Looking to even just keeping the kids on the weekends as they help and would get me to do things. Trying to just keep everything going good and not in a downward spiral again because I don't want to go through this again, I'd rather become a drinker again then hooked on hundred of pills a month. At least then I wasn't trying to figure out how I would get more and or going through bad withdraws other then a hangover but luckily my craving for drinking has gone way way down so not to worried about that.

So things have been a good break off from work, go in for one day then the weekend then it's back to full weeks again till xmas day and new years day at least those will give me 3 day weekends. I think I feel alot better that it's in the open and people know whats going on and I'm not "hiding" it. Kinda dissapointed a tad but I think by not taking just to take makes me feel better about it, but I think the biggest is people know and know it was a problem and this time going to be there if it were to get out of hand.

So doesn't look like there's a chat tonight, checked the site no news but I probably wouldnt be able to make it so wish you all a good night and week and I'll keep in touch and as I'm keeping like a journal of when I get my pain and what I'm doing and what the rating is and what I do to manage it I'll keep in touch with all of you as well so you all know I haven't gone through the deep end.

Thanks again.
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[nebraska]

Hi Zombie,

I am glad a that you found my daughters ordeal real motivating to you. I know that you are on the right track and your life will continue to get better and improve. I think getting a really good bed will help you more than you know. You will get better support for your back, and it will also help the healing process. If you are sleeping better it also will help in some of your depression issues. Getting out more and will really help alot too. Just get out do anything, or get involved in something that interests you. But the main thing is to find activities that you like and go for it. You will be amazed how much better you will feel. Stay around people that you respect and are possitive, that also will help. Don't dwell on dissappointing the people you care about or yourself. That is now past history. Just contiue to work on all your situation's and work hard in your theripy. You and everyone else that care about you will not even remember any dissapointment's from the past. Thay will only see the great work you are doing to make yourself a better person. And for that not only will you start feeling better about yourself, you and people close to you will be very proud of you.

Keep us up-dated on your progress. And if you are feeling down. Jump on the forum post and continue to let us know. Alley, j3a, myself and alot of other people really care about you, and we want to see you heal and succeed. You have friends hear in AB Nation. We will help you any way we can, even if it is to encourage you. Keep up the great work Zombie, I know you are on a track for success and taking your life back. We are all really proud of you and the steps that you are taking so far. I keep good thoughts and prayers for you. Keep it up buddy............

Blessings

nebraska

[Zombie]

Hey guys, quick post. Still doing good. Not taking my "normal" dose which would be like 4 a day. Only doing like maybe one or two the most so far. Usually when I get up and get going cause that's when I'm hurting the worst and thats why I think it goes back to my bed and in need of a new one.

Weekend was tough to be honest cause I'm not doing anything and so so tempted to like "take a little more" maybe get that "warm fuzzy" feeling again. Like Saturday, I'll be honest it crossed my mind to take like an extra or two just to kinda "feel good". The thing though that kept me at bay was NOT wanting to go through what I went through and the promise I kept to myself was not to let this get out of control, so I just "hid" them kinda. Basically leaving them in my car, even though so easy to just go out and get them it helps cause they're not in my view and the reason why I don't take them to work cause it's so easy to let the stress take over my mind and make me think that it's ok to take another one to "settle my nerves" like people think when they go for a smoke or something. So I don't give myself that option or excuse.

I know how thiis all started was being able to just take one a day or just as needed to then getting full blown addicted but I think the withdraws and the support from here keeps me reminded what I had to go through and even though I've never met any of you guys and probably may not ever unless we were to cross paths or something at a convention to meet alley, but can't let you or Alley down, which I'm so hoping I havent because haven't heard from Alley on this issue.

However all is going good, I've been cooking this week instead of just going out to dinner which I've noticed the kids are liking more. I've spent more time with them then on the computer and or playing games. I may still use those stuff but usually wait till they're in bed asleep when I have my small down time.

Hopefully a chat this week and I'll be able to make it. Catch you guys later.

Jake
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[nebraska]

Hey Jake,

I am really glad to hear that you are staying strong. I have never been through what you are going through, but I admire you for your determination and staying focused on making yourself better. I am really happy to hear that you are spending more time with your kids and cooking more home cooked meals together. Keep your focus on them and making yourself better. Keep trying to get out more with your kids or friends on your weekends. Or, like I said before find a hobby or something that interests you to keep busy.

You are doing great. Keep it up and stay strong. I know it must be very hard at times, but it will get better and easier in time. When you get feeling better and you know that you have complete control of your life back, you will look back on this situation and feel really proud of yourself. You keep it up!! You CAN and Will get through this. I am really proud of what you have done so far. Keep it up!! I am keeping good thoughts and prayers for you. You are so on your way !!!!!!!!!!

Blessings

nebraska